But God…

On April 18, 2016May 20, 2026 By kacinpoint3 Comments

Isaiah 61:7 NLT Instead of shame and dishonor,
you will enjoy a DOUBLE SHARE OF HONOR.
You will possess a double portion of prosperity in your land,
and EVERLASTING JOY will be yours.

Genesis 50:20 NLT You intended to harm me, BUT GOD intended it all for good. He brought me to this position so I could save the lives of many people.

Trauma did its damnedest to destroy our family.

But God…

Last year, a family friend that is a retired Army Command Sergeant Major attended a Mighty Oaks Warrior retreat for men who’ve experienced the trauma of war. The change in him at the end of that retreat was visible. He exuded joy and freedom that I had not seen in him before. The first time I saw him after the retreat I went to my room and tearfully wrote these words in my journal…

“God, please open the door for my husband to attend one of these retreats.

Warning: The next part of this post is painfully transparent, but I believe there are families suffering silently who need hope. So I’m going to be real.

In 1994, five months before he was to begin his military career, I married the man God made for me. I quickly learned that life as an Army wife was hard. He was gone for at least six months of each of the first six years of our marriage. But when he returned from training exercises or schools, he always returned the same man he had been before leaving. I could live with that.

And then, war.

His first deployment was to Baghdad from 2003-2004. It was horrific for both of us. There were numerous phone calls that ended with the sounds of gunfire or explosions with no follow-up phone calls for days to let me know that he was alive. There were long, painful, silent conversations when he relayed to me stories of friends burning while trapped in vehicles exploded by IEDs, or while he searched for words to describe a young soldier killing himself in the middle of their makeshift office.

He came home a different man. The man I married was born a smartass. The man who returned from Iraq in 2004 was an angry, bitter cynic.

And then, he went back.

In 2009, while I was battling cancer, he returned to Baghdad. The second deployment brought with it a mixed bag of emotions. I was both relieved to not deal with the just-below-the-surface-rage on a daily basis, and felt abandoned. I wanted my husband back.

During that second deployment, God worked a few miracles. Alone and battling cancer, I was forced to deal with some of my own demons and with 6200 miles between us we managed (via Skype) to work through some of our marriage wounds. At the end of the deployment I was cancer-free and our marriage was secret-free. But something was still broken.

And then, December 5, 2011… a military contractor set out to destroy my husband’s career. The trauma of war was minuscule compared to the trauma of having his character and identity as a soldier attacked.

For three years, ten months, and ten days, we lived through hell on earth.

During that first year I hid my husband’s weapons and ammunition (in separate places) and knew that I’d been wise in doing so when he exploded over not being able to find them.

There were more ugly moments in our home than I could possibly recall. Words spoken, like, “We’d all be better off if I’d died in Iraq.” And replies like, “You did.” or “You’re right.” Moments where I begged him to leave or tried to figure out where I could go with all four kids. Our kids learned to stay out-of-the-way on the days when we weren’t speaking to one another and I made myself and our children crazy trying to control every aspect of things happening in our home with the hope that something I did would bring my husband peace and joy.

But God…

A couple months ago my husband forwarded an email to me letting me know that he was confirmed for a Mighty Oaks retreat. God had opened the door that I prayed for.

And because God likes to put exclamation points on things: You see that guy sitting just a few feet behind my hot hubby?
That’s the contractor who set out to destroy my husband’s career. I took this at the Mighty Oaks graduation/fundraising gala. We have no clue what led him there. I watched all night to see if he interacted with anyone, unsuccessfully trying to figure out what his connection was to the gala. All I know is that out of the millions of people in the DC area, God put him in a crowd of a couple hundred people in a church in Manassas, VA, on a Friday night and led him to donate money to the organization that helped my husband get his life back. I just kept imagining God holding his belly and laughing so hard He could barely breathe.

You see… God is a big fan of justice. He not only restores what’s been taken from us, He occasionally gets those who’ve stolen from us to pay for the restoration.

This was my husband’s Facebook post yesterday.

I have my husband back. Actually, I have a better version of my husband than I ever dreamed of. Jesus saved his soul. Mighty Oaks saved his life.

Social media is flooded right now with the hashtag #kill22. People are challenged to do twenty-two pushups for twenty-two days and share videos of their pushups on social media to bring awareness to the average twenty-two veterans a day that commit suicide. While it’s a nice gesture for awareness, I’m not a fan of “awareness” trends. I think G.I. Joe got it wrong. Knowing is NOT half the battle. Knowledge without action = Nothing. Pushups aren’t saving veterans’ lives, but Mighty Oaks Warrior Programs is.

To date, nine hundred and nine veterans have graduated from the program. Not one of them has taken their own life. However, four men have taken their lives while waiting for a spot in one of the programs. There are currently three hundred veterans on the waitlist to attend a program. It costs $1000 to put a veteran through the program. My hope is that this post will be shared and raise enough support to eliminate the waitlist. click HERE to donate

Our veterans secure our freedom, please help secure theirs.

Excruciating…

On March 25, 2016April 14, 2025 By kacinpoint2 Comments

I looked through old posts that I’ve written during Holy Week and found this one. The title is somewhat appropriate for my current season of life.

It’s Good Friday. It’s the day that Christians honor the excruciating sacrifice made on the path to the cross so that we can embrace all the goodness that came with the Resurrection.

Here’s the thing… When I wrote this post, I thought I understood the depth of the meaning of Good Friday. The truth is that I didn’t have a fricking clue. In the years since I wrote the following words, my world (and the world at large) have unraveled. Every single descriptor I held as my identity ten years ago is gone except for these two, I am a Christian and I am a Mom. That’s it. That’s about all that’s left of the woman who thought she understood.

I now find myself on the back nine of life trying to redefine it. Dating is excruciating!! A new career is excruciating! Single/part-time parenting young adults is excruciating! Navigating the world solo after three decades as part of a tribe is excruciating! But I survived the crucifixion of my life.

Many of you have asked me about “dating”. A year ago I had lots of silly rules. Now I’m down to… I won’t date anyone that could be my child or my father and no missionary dating. Pretty simple guidelines. For the curious, even with simple guidelines, I’m not dating anyone. I’ve been okay with that. I’ve needed time to heal and my top priority has been establishing myself and insuring that Sofija’s future is taken care of. But yes, I get lonely. Which leads to Good Friday. I’m quite certain that my Savior was lonely as he was brutalized and put to death. In the brutality, He knew that Sunday was coming….

Originally posted ten years ago –

Throughout the Lenten season this box has greeted anyone that walks into my home. For six weeks words of repentance and forgiveness have been scratched out on pieces of paper and dropped into the box.

“I forgive _____ for hurting me.”

“God, I repent for not trusting you.”

“God, I forgive you for not yet healing my child.”

etc…

All those words meaningless without the power of this day, the very best and the very worst of Fridays.

The word “excruciating” was created just to describe the events that took place on Good Friday. Its Latin derivative is literally “out of the cross”.

Excruciating:

adjective

1. extremely painful; causing intense suffering; unbearably distressing;torturing:

Every single thing that holds you back in life? Every bit of suffering, pain, distress, and torture.. Let it all go. Jesus experienced “excruciating” on Good Friday so that you don’t have to carry any of it. ANY of it!

Have you been betrayed? Betrayal died on the cross.

Have you been abused? Abuse died on the cross.

Have you been abandoned, or have you abandoned your faith? Abandonment died on the cross.

Have you lied or been lied to? Dishonesty died on the cross.

Are you carrying physical pain and illness? Jesus said, “By my stripes (the marks he bore from being beaten on his way to the cross) you are healed.”

Have you screwed up royally? All your screwups (Yes, all of them. Even if you’ve broken every single commandment.) died on the cross.

As a tangible reminder of what died on the cross, the forgiveness/repentance box that greets those who enter my home will be burned on Resurrection Sunday.

Today, on Good Friday, I encourage you to let go of anything that holds you back. Build your own box to burn on Sunday.

Resurrection is coming.

Redemption is yours for the taking.

1 John 1:9 If we confess our sins to Him, He is faithful to forgive.

Matthew 6:14… Forgive others. …Be forgiven.

Hebrews 4:16 Boldly approach the throne of grace…

2 Corinthians 12:9 His grace is ALL you need…

John 19:30 IT IS FINISHED!

22 secrets to staying married…

On February 22, 2016June 6, 2026 By kacinpoint2 Comments

Dear Hubby and I celebrated our 22nd wedding anniversary on February 18th. For the first time in many years we were able to get away for a couple of days to celebrate. It was a quick trip to New York City with no real agenda except to spend time with each other. I still love walking by his side. I still drink in our conversations. He still makes me laugh. He’s still my favorite guy. 🙂

Because it’s become an annual tradition for us to grow this list…

22 Secrets to Staying Married

1. Treat your spouse better than anyone else treats them. We all want to be around people who build us up. If the person who does that for your spouse is someone other than you, guess who your spouse is going to want to spend time with.

2. When you fight, don’t vent to your friends and family. They’re not in love with your spouse and long after you’ve kissed and made up they are going to remember the dirt you’ve shared with them.

3. Have friends who love their spouse. Nothing good will come from keeping company with a person who constantly complains about the person they chose to marry.

4. Trade the worst for the best. When your spouse shows you the worst of their character, think about all of their best qualities. When you remember the things you like about a person it’s easy to forget the things you don’t.

5. Be the first to apologize.

6. Don’t go to bed angry. It is easier said than done, but it is a very worthy goal.

7. Spend time with couples who will speak truth. It may hurt your pride to be on a double-date and have someone ask you, “Are you treating him the way you want to be treated?”, but it will never hurt your marriage.

8. Avoid alone-time and personal conversations with anyone of the opposite sex (or the same sex if you find yourself craving more time and/or sharing more with that person than with your spouse).

9. Keep a common interest (other than your kids). There was something that the two of you couldn’t stop talking about when you first met. Keep talking about it and when you lose interest in it, find something new to talk about.

10. Pay attention. I try to make mental notes of everything my husband says he is interested in. “I love this band.” (Get concert tickets) “I’d like to eat there some day.” (Make reservations for date night) “I’d trade a kid for one of those guns.” (Buy him a weapon for father’s day.) When you pay attention to what your spouse talks about, you will never run out of ways to show them you love them.

11. Have sex. Lots of sex. In premarital counseling, I had a little old lady look at me and say, “Kaci, sex is as necessary to a man as food. Just always think of it as a meal. Sometimes he’ll give you several courses of fine dining and sometimes it’ll be like going through the drive-thru at McDonald’s.” She was a very wise woman.

12. Give grace. The Bible tells us repeatedly to forgive others so that God can forgive us. We’ve learned that giving the same kind of grace that we hope to receive is our only hope for a peaceful home.

13. Confess. Confess. Confess. When you hide things it’s an absolute certainty that a little voice will start asking you, “What is she/he hiding from you?” Secrets and half-truths lead to guilt, distrust, accusations, and insecurity. If you feel the need to keep something from your spouse, share it with your spouse immediately. Wine and cheese get better with age. Not sin.

14. Don’t let the kids come between you. Believe me. They will try. And try. And try. When your kids can turn you against each other it makes them insecure and it damages your marriage. Remind yourself often that when two people have a child, they have a common enemy.

15. Remember that your spouse IS NOT your enemy. It is very easy to assume that every pain they cause you is intentional. It usually is not. Go back to number 12.

16. Date. It took us nearly eighteen years to start dating regularly. We don’t know what took us so long, but date-night is now our favorite night of the week.

17. Study your spouse. I sometimes ask my hubby, “Tell me something I don’t know about you.” Even if it’s a small detail about his workday that I would likewise have never known, I feel closer to him because he’s shared something new with me. This one is actually a pretty big deal. It is easy to get bored and to watch years slip away filled with the mundane. Married life and a faith life are exactly the same. When I study and seek the heart of God, I fall in love with Him over and over and I get a glimpse of just how much He loves me. When I study and seek the heart of my husband, I fall in love with him over and over and I get reminded that the love he has for me is the closest I have ever come to the love God has for me.

18. Pray for each other. Out loud. We went on a marriage retreat in the summer of 2003 where we were told to find a spot in a room full of people where we could pray for each other. We were both scared. Quite certain that we were the only couple in the room who had never prayed together, we held hands, closed our eyes, pressed our heads together and listened for a few minutes to the people around us to see if they knew how this was supposed to work. Realizing that nobody around us sounded any more comfortable than we felt, we started praying. In that half an hour we took turns thanking God for all the things we love about each other and claiming His blessings over each other. When we were done we looked at each other and discussed the fact that neither of us had ever felt so loved or so secure in our relationship.

19. (This should really be #1) Figure out what it means to be in relationship with Christ and work on that relationship BEFORE you deal with issues with your spouse. If you do not have God in the proper place in your life, you WILL expect your spouse to be your savior or to fulfill needs that they will never be capable of fulfilling.

20. The Do-Over… This is probably the most valuable communication tool we’ve discovered. A couple of months ago I said something to my hubby in an unintentional nasty tone. He looked at me and said, “Would you like to do that over?” Since that moment, every time one of us feels hurt or offended by something the other one has said or done, we offer a do-over. See numbers 15 and 12.

21. Laugh. A lot. Maybe even more than you have sex. Here’s the biggest thing you should know about married life: It’s hard. REALLY hard. If you let it, the hard stuff will destroy your marriage. No matter what you’re going through, look for something to laugh about. I’ve known several couples who stopped having sex and stayed married, but few who stayed together when they stopped laughing together.

22. Resolve to stick it out. Even if you’re doing all of the things listed above, you’re going to want to call it quits. Make up your mind that quitting is simply not an option. Remind yourself that there are dark nights between sunny days, but the sun ALWAYS rises.

alignment…

On February 9, 2016February 9, 2016 By kacinpoint4 Comments

I’ve written before about alignment, but I can’t find the piece right now and it’s a day where I think we could all use a refresher.

I watched a man riding a unicycle last week. He was steady for a while and then the one wheel got wobbly and he had to jump off to keep from crashing. It’s really hard to balance and move forward on one wheel.

A couple of years ago I made the mistake of riding my bike down a hill on a freshly paved street. As I passed the sign that said, “Dismount bikes and walk them down hill”, my front wheel slid to the right and I crashed. When my wheels became out of alignment, it was impossible to balance and move forward. PSA: Wear a helmet! Mine saved my skull that day.

After our recent blizzard there are potholes EVERYWHERE. Potholes lead to misaligned tires on vehicles. My car is currently in desperate need of an alignment and I have to hold the steering wheel hard to the left in order to drive straight. But you know what? After I get my tires aligned it’s going to be easy-peasy to drive my car exactly where I want to go. Four wheels moving in sync and a tank full of gas are unstoppable.

You, me, we, are defined, seen, viewed, and respected (or not) by the ideologies, political parties, causes, and people that we choose to align ourselves with. And sometimes we align ourselves with some thing, some cause, some one; simply because we want to be a part of something that feels unstoppable. Our human nature leads us to add voice to a cause because we think our voice will add fuel or the needed victory wheel.

I love football and I am guilty of saying to people that cheer for any team other than my favorites, “There’s always room on the bus.” You know why there’s always room on the fan bus for a football team? Because buses have LOTS of frickin’ wheels!

You know why only one person can ride a unicycle? Bingo! There’s only ONE wheel.

Hence the fact that few brave the unicycle.

A couple thousand years ago there were twelve men who braved their own unicycles. They walked away from the lynching, mob-mentality of their day and followed a man who they trusted to be the Son of God. You know why we know about them? Because God wants us to learn from them. We know what their professions were and we know some details about their families, but the most important thing we know about the disciples is that they aligned themselves with Jesus. Their choices, their actions, their words (for the most part – they were human after all) aligned with the character of Christ.

You see… when we call ourselves “Christians”, we have to be REALLY careful who and what we align ourselves with; what “fan bus” we jump on. We often have to choose between the gut-satisfying adrenaline rush we get from joining forces with something that feels unstoppable; and the scary hard stance of aligning ourselves with God’s Word and acting like Jesus.

A dear friend that is currently serving our country in the Air Force and working hard to be the best single-Mom on the planet lost her own Mom a few days ago to cancer. In two weeks she goes to court to fight for custody of her daughter. Because in the middle of watching her Mom lose her battle with cancer, her daughter’s step-mom decided that she REALLY wants to be a mom. There are people reading this who have aligned themselves in this battle to take a child from her mother.

Here’s the thing. I’m mothering a child who was separated from her biological mother. If you know me or have read anything I’ve written, you know that I LOVE adoption. I proudly align myself with the call to place orphans in families and I will spend the rest of my life addressing orphan-care at every given opportunity.

But adoption NEVER happens without loss. There are ALWAYS psychological and spiritual wounds incurred when a child is torn from the woman who gives birth to it. No exceptions. If a Mother is capable of caring for her child, then the very best place that child can be, is with the Mother.

In my daughter’s situation, there was no alternative. Her biological Mother was not capable of caring for her and now we get to do everything in our power to help heal her wounds. That is not the case with my friend. She is an excellent Mother, fully capable of caring for her child, and as she experiences her own tearing away from the woman who gave her life, she is facing the possibility of losing her child.

Because you should always be careful about what you allow to define you, I have a few questions you should ask yourself when choosing what/who to align yourself with:

What is the destination of the bus I’m jumping on?

Does the hoped for outcome align with God’s heart? Is the cause something Jesus would fight for?

Is the character of the person I’m aligning myself with beyond reproach? Am I okay with my own character being defined by standing up for this person’s character?

Will the thing or person or cause I want to align with make me more like Jesus and help define who God created me to be?

If the answer to ANY of those questions is “No” you’ve just hit a pothole and it’s time for a realignment.

I stand with my friend because I believe the very best orphan care we can provide is to ensure that a child is never taken from her Mother to begin with.

Super Sunday

On February 7, 2016February 7, 2016 By kacinpoint2 Comments

After four years of being stuck, life around here is moving forward at warp speed. In the last two weeks, we moved to a new house in a frenzy…

… to beat a blizzard named Jonas …

… drove to Baltimore every other day (except the days when we were moving and snowed-in) to see this cutie patootie (who’s making amazing progress – Hooray! – and will hopefully be home next month).

My dear hubby has been to EIGHTEEN appointments at the VA hospital in DC (hell on earth) as part of his medical retirement board. By the way, when you start the medical board process they schedule nineteen appointments over the course of forty-five days. You get no choice in when they are scheduled and if you miss or try to reschedule, you start the process over again. Several of those appointments were scheduled over the two days that we were planning to move. Because of the blizzard, the VA rescheduled the appointments and DH got to be present for the move – Hooray! Unfortunately, the appointments were all rescheduled for the last two Sunday mornings. We’ve missed our church family, but we’re extremely grateful to say that he has ONE appointment left (this Tuesday), and the evaluation part of the med board will be done. Another Hooray!

The Denver Broncos won the AFC Championship and are playing in Super Bowl 50 day… BIG, HUGE – HOORAY!!

It would’ve been fun to move to this house. 😉

And in the midst of all the other stuff, I’ve had this lingering pest that I unsuccessfully kept trying to push from my thoughts.

I woke up on NYE and noticed a bulge on my neck. It hasn’t gone away. I had a neck ultrasound Tuesday and saw my doctor Thursday. It’s just an infected lymph node that’s against my carotid artery. It has healthy blood flow (the cancerous lymph nodes I had in 2009 had no blood flow). I’m relieved, but a bit traumatized.

You know why I was traumatized? Because I forgot. I forgot that I am healed. I forgot who I am. I forgot that God is in my corner and that no matter what I see or feel or experience, it is ALL working together for my good. And also maybe just a bit because I’m human and cancer sucks.

My dear, precious friend Veronica sent me a text in between the day I had the ultrasound and saw the big lymph node in my neck and the appointment with my doctor reassuring me that I am indeed still cancer-free. Veronica had no idea what I was dealing with, but she felt led to pray Ephesians 6 over me. I remembered that I had written a piece on Ephesians 6 some time ago. If you’re struggling with your own truth, if you’ve forgotten who God says you are or what He’s done for you, if you are walking through a season of big changes and struggling to remember what is constant, I urge you to click this link and read.

Philippians 4:8 And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.

Today is Superbowl Sunday and my hubby’s hometown team made it to the big game. This is true. This is right. This is lovely.

Putting on your oxygen mask…

On January 27, 2016January 27, 2016 By kacinpointLeave a comment

I love, love, love when God reminds me that it’s not “all about me” (typed with a forced smile). And that every single one of us is created in His image and have the same basic needs. I started writing a post about two weeks ago on “burnout”. Today I opened my email and found that my sister-friend Sheila Harper had written a post on the subject with words much more eloquent than most of the inappropriate ones swirling around in my head.

In the last six months I have found myself in a recurring conversation with people where I use this one illustration:

You know how when you’re about to take off in an airplane the flight attendant says something like, “If we’re crashing and the oxygen masks drop down, Mamas please put one on yourself before trying to stick one on your kids.” – paraphrased You need to be breathing yourself before you can helps someone else breathe.

I have so much to share about our move and the blizzard and the miracles we’re watching unfold in our daughter. But today, all I have to offer is this beautiful, honest post written by Shelia. Please click one of the links (they all go to the same place) and read it.

Breathe deep, friends.

This is the day that I die.

On November 18, 2015November 19, 2015 By kacinpoint6 Comments

conflicted

adjective

1. full of conflicting emotions or impulses:

a situation that makes one feel very conflicted.

I am an American patriot. I am a Christian. I am conflicted.

Five days ago Paris was attacked by radical Muslims. Last night there was a “serious threat” of another attack in Germany. This year alone ISIS has claimed 65 beheadings of Christians and killed countless people in soft-target attacks. The nation of Saudi Arabia has beheaded at least 175 including children and persons with disabilities. ISIS has forced countless Yezidi women and children into sexual slavery. Boko Haram (also called ISWAP or the Islamic State’s West African Province) has killed thousands and is now considered the most deadly terrorists organization in the world.

For decades Syria has allowed itself to become a hotbed for terrorism. While all of the above atrocities were taking place, more than THREE MILLION refugees have fled the nation of Syria and approximately six million others have been displaced within their nation.

It is estimated that at least 7% of Muslims have been radicalized and seek to inflict terror on all non-Muslims. There is no way to know how many terrorists are mixed in with the refugees.

And now… Syrian refugees have begun arriving in America. A news report yesterday stated that the first of the refugees to be unaccounted for, disappeared in my hometown of Baton Rouge (where my son is going to college) and then was later located in my current home of Washington, DC.________________________________________________

There is only one sentence written above this line that is not fear-inducing. “I am a Christian.”

What does it mean to proclaim that I am a Christian? It means that I am a follower of Christ. It means that my words and actions ~~should~~ emulate those of Jesus. Close to 80% of Americans also claim to be Christians. That means that 4/5 of Americans SHOULD have actions and words that emulate those of Jesus.

But being an American patriot and being a Christian tends to leave one conflicted…

While the refugee was missing yesterday, EVERYTHING IN ME wanted to go get my son. As I wrestled with fear I sat my Bible in front of me and said,”God, I need peace and I need wisdom. Please show me how to see this world and all the people you’ve created, through your eyes.”

This was the first verse I read.

2 Timothy 1:7 For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline. ~Any decision based in fear is not of God. Period.

Funny thing about that verse is that I had just read this analogy comparing a bowl of M&Ms to the refugees. The analogy asked if I would eat from the bowl knowing that 7% of them were poison. And then that verse…

God did not give me fear.

He gave me power, love, and self-discipline. I would not eat the M&Ms because I have self-discipline, NOT because I am afraid. Refugees are not candy. They are human beings created in the image of God.

Romans 2:11 God DOES NOT show favoritism! Some days I’m fairly certain that I’m His favorite. Guess what. You’re His favorite too! Guess what else. So is every person born in every corner of the world including the Syrian refugees.

God did not give you fear.

In 2008, for several reasons, I registered to vote as an Independent. First, I could no longer say that all of my political views strongly aligned with any political party. Second, I never want a politician to assume they have my vote because my registration says that I’m aligned with their party. Last (and most important), I was strongly convicted about placing my patriotism and my political stands above my role as a follower of Christ. An idol is anything that we revere or worship or use to define us. Americanism had become an idol in my life. Scripture, after scripture, after scripture, command Christians to have no other Gods before the one true God and to avoid making an idol of anything. The American Constitution is a brilliantly conceived document and I am grateful every day for the freedoms and opportunities it affords me as an American. But it is not the word of God. The American “dream” is noble and worthy, but it is not the great commission. ~~Most of~~ the laws of the land are sensible and comforting and give me a sense of safety. But laws do not equal the greatest commandments. “…Love your neighbor as yourself.”

Am I still conflicted? Absolutely! But in the midst of my confliction I must stand on my convictions. I’ve been called many things in my life, but the one that always stings the most is “hypocrite”. I do not want to live an hypocritical life. I want my beliefs and my behaviors to align.

A few years ago I used Jesus’ story of The Sheep and The Goats to explain to church leaders why their treatment of children with special needs was not okay. If I don’t want to be called a hypocrite, I can’t very well use the words of Jesus to point out the failures of others while ignoring those very same words as they apply to me. This is where the rubber meets the road…

Matthew 25:41-45 “Then he will turn to the ‘goats,’ the ones on his left, and say, ‘Get out, worthless goats! You’re good for nothing but the fires of hell. And why? Because—

I was hungry and you gave me no meal,
I was thirsty and you gave me no drink,
I was homeless and you gave me no bed,
I was shivering and you gave me no clothes,
Sick and in prison, and you never visited.’

“He will answer them, ‘I’m telling the solemn truth: Whenever you failed to do one of these things to someone who was being overlooked or ignored, that was me—you failed to do it to me.’

I have no flippin’ clue what walking this out will look like. But I know that I must love and that I must not fear. I know that I have to put my responsibilities as a representative of Jesus before my desires to protect the way of life created by America’s founding fathers.

Is it a gift to be an American? Absofrickinlutely! Do I enjoy the possibilities and prosperities afforded by the American dream? Every minute of every day. But you know what? In Luke 12:48 Jesus said, “…When someone has been given much, much will be required in return; and when someone has been entrusted with much, even more will be required.” Being an American is not an excuse, it’s a reason. I am not excused from caring for anyone who needs food, or clothing, or shelter.

Is any of it fair? Or just? Or palatable? Nope. I want to see anyone that doesn’t share every one of my beliefs as my enemy. But guess what Jesus said about our enemies? “But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you!” Matthew 5:44 I want to put all kinds of labels on people and use those labels as excuses for why I just can’t love them. I’m sure you do too. But Jesus said we have to see and serve as if we are serving Him. We have to see “them” as “Him.”

Luke 9:23 Then he said to the crowd, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross daily, and follow me.

The cross? It’s the place where our bad choices and heartaches and wounds are cleaned by the blood of Jesus. It’s also the place where our selfish ways go to die. It’s the place where we nail our idols and false gods and leave them behind. It’s where anything that defines us other than God himself must bow down and surrender.

From this day forward I want my morning declaration to be:

This is the day that I pick up my cross. This is the day that I die to self.

Galatians 2:20My old self has been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

No fear.

Lots of love.

love = freedom

On November 11, 2015May 20, 2026 By kacinpoint1 Comment

John 15:12-13 This is my commandment: Love each other in the same way I have loved you. There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.

I’m sure you’ve seen the quote…

“Only two defining forces have ever offered to die for you; Jesus Christ and the American soldier.”

Today we celebrate and honor the American soldier. One of the greatest honors of my life is that I get to call a true American hero, “my husband”. That hottie up there ^ is mine. And for more than twenty-five years he’s been yours too. That man loves you and the principles our nation was founded on enough that he is willing to lay down his life for you.

I don’t usually post about Veteran’s Day or Memorial Day or any of the other days set aside on our calendar for acknowledging the price of freedom. Those days are sacred to me. But this year is different for many reasons. This is likely the last Veteran’s Day that my husband will celebrate on active duty. This is also the first Veteran’s Day since 2011 that he has been able to put on a uniform and do the job he was called to do as a young boy. That job? He’s the MILDEP (military deputy) of Night Vision and Sensors. Oh the irony… Three years, ten months, and ten days after coming under investigation for attempting to shine light in the darkness of Army contracting, he assumed the responsibility of ensuring that the entire Army can see in the dark. Hah! God has the best sense of humor!

Six days before my hero returned to work we received a call from the Kennedy Krieger Institute in Baltimore. Nine months ago, a series of “yeses” put us on a path to that phone call. In roughly the same amount of time it takes to grow a bundle of joy, God grew a bundle of hope for our baby girl. KKI was calling to say that they had a bed available for Sofija in their neurobehavioral unit. For now I am holding the details of her stay close and shedding tears at the end of each of our four weekly visits. Her projected discharge date is February 11, 2016. She wants to come home and we want to have her here. But we have been in crisis mode for longer than anyone should ever live in crisis mode. The struggle to keep her (and us) safe was a losing battle and we needed help. That phone call promised help.

While Sofija is at KKI, we have a social worker helping our family set up a plan for aftercare and checking in regularly to ensure that we are using this time as a respite. Feel free to take a second and cheer with me…. WOOHOO!! YIPPEEE!! HIP! HIP! HOORAY!!

Date night, after date night, after date night… with my real American hero. By the way, is anyone else bursting with excitement over the return of The Greatest American Hero? “Believe it or not, I’m walking on air. I never thought I could feel so free-ee-ee…”

One thing our social worker encouraged us to do was to get away for a couple of days. We haven’t “gotten away for a couple of days” or even overnight for that matter, in the last five years. Don’t get me wrong. I love my baby girl more than life and I miss her life crazy. But I was in desperate need of some time away with my man! This past weekend we remedied the situation with a weekend in The Big Apple.

I could write for days about all of the experiences we squeezed into 48 hours, but there was one experience in particular that wrecked me. I’ve been to NYC a few times and never made it to ground zero or the 9/11 museum. Before traveling I looked up Veteran’s Day activities in the city and found that the museum was offering free entry for veterans this week and half price entry for family members. I’m ~~a cheapskate~~ thrifty. $12 is easier on our budget than $42 so I pitched the museum in our trip planning. It made the cut.

Oh. My. Word. Every single American (and anyone who underestimates the power of hatred) should go there. I have to be honest. I thought it would be educational and expected to feel a little sadness. What I did not expect is to be wrecked. As I walked around the bottom of the museum and witnessed the excavated areas of the north and south towers, I was completely overwhelmed. Tears began to pour and they did not stop for quite some time after we left. This picture was taken inside the foundation of the south tower. See that little man standing in the right corner? That little man was well over six feet tall. This simple two-word phrase kept running through my mind as I tried to take in what I was seeing…

Hate destroys.

Hate = destruction. Towers built on the strongest of foundations were destroyed by a single act of hatred.

The opposite of hate is love. Both require passion and dedication and sacrifice. One leads to freedom, the other to destruction.

In the aforementioned quote, those two people who’ve offered to die for you? In both cases, the willingness to lay down their lives has been rooted in immeasurable love.

Today, thank Jesus for eternal life granted by the cross and resurrection. And then, thank a veteran for your daily freedom.

Love = Freedom

BTW: we spent time with Sofija on our way to NY and again on our way home. She damaged a wall with her head last week so she’s making a fashion statement with a helmet while her head heals. She still captivates me…

stepping forward…

On October 8, 2015October 8, 2015 By kacinpoint1 Comment

Isaiah 43:19 For I am about to do something new.
See, I have already begun! Do you not see it?
I will make a pathway through the wilderness.
I will create rivers in the dry wasteland.

After almost four years of more togetherness than any married couple has ever wished for, as expected, my Dear Hubby got official orders yesterday. He begins work as a MILDEP at the closest Army base to our house (Hooray for short commutes!) on October 15th. That’s right. After 196 weeks of looking at each other from opposite couches, we only have ONE MORE WEEK to turn all this together-time into quality-time.

This opportunity to finish well is a BIG, HUGE, MIND-BOGGLING MIRACLE. It is absolute, indisputable evidence that God answers prayer and delivers the desires of our hearts. Walking into this new season is not simply a victory for our family. It is a victory for each and every one of you that has stood by us in prayer and held on to the faith and hope that God is who He says He is. We are humbled by each person who has faithfully walked this road with us. Compassion-weariness is a real thing. I know. There have been times when I’ve stepped away from relationships with people who’ve walked through extended painful seasons. Thank you for not growing compassion-weary!!

Now we need new prayers. This new season is going to be a HUGE change for us. I stopped working in September of 2011 and the investigation began that December. Our family has lived in a little bubble where we see and communicate with each other ALL FLIPPIN’ DAY. Everything about the way we get through our day is about to drastically change. Please pray that the transition is peace-filled and grace-filled. And if you hear me one of us complaining, remind me us that this season, this opportunity to finish well, is an answer to prayer.

Please and thanks.

Forgiveness is better than karma.

On October 6, 2015June 14, 2026 By kacinpoint5 Comments

In the weeks since I wrote the letter to General Becker, I’ve received countless messages saying things like, “I don’t know that I could forgive him for what he did.” and “How can you forgive the people who destroyed your husband’s career?”

With the questions have come miracles. Miracles we never dreamed or imagined…

As we’ve digested the impact of the miracles, I have struggled with how to answer questions regarding forgiveness, but here’s the gist of it…

I have no choice.

For many years, the people who know me well have heard me say, “I LOVE forgiveness!” Sometimes people respond with an emphatic, “Me too!” and sometimes they look at me like I have a third eye. There’s this thing I’ve noticed about the third-eye-people; they always say something about karma and how it’s a bitch or how they can’t wait to see karma come full circle at the mention of the word forgiveness.

Matthew 6:12-13 “…and forgive us our sins,
as we have forgiven those who sin against us.”

That verse up there. ^^ It’s not just any verse. The first sermon Jesus ever preached was the Sermon on the Mount. In that sermon, Jesus said, “Pray like this…” and then he gave what became known as The Lord’s Prayer. Every Catholic and Protestant on the planet will learn that prayer. Yet, many still believe in karma.

Jesus was pretty clear. “Pray like this…” Ask God to forgive your sins to the same degree you’ve forgiven others. It’s the simplest of prayers and the clearest path to freedom…

Forgive so that you can be forgiven.

I’m sure you’re wondering, “What the heck do beer goggles have to do with forgiveness?”

Here ya go… Beer goggles make things look prettier than they may actually be. I know this to be a fact. Do you know the antonym for beer goggles? What accomplishes the opposite of making things look prettier than they actually are?

Unforgiveness is the answer.

Unforgiveness makes things look uglier than they actually are. The longer you hold on to unforgiveness, the uglier a person becomes. When you refuse to forgive, eventually, you can no longer see any good in a person.

You wanna know the difference between karma and forgiveness? It’s pretty simple. Do you choose to give a person a pardon or do you choose to put them on probation. When a person has committed a crime and they are given a pardon, all is forgiven. That person is free to live their life and they no longer face any consequences for their crime. When a person is on probation, they are living with conditional freedom. They have to report to a probation officer and they have to meet constant expectations and work to prove that they have changed.

I have witnessed it repeatedly. It’s impossible to live a life based on karma without the expectation that karma will dish out revenge to those who hurt us. People that rely on karma don’t forgive and they put people who’ve hurt them on probation. They just keep waiting for those who’ve hurt them to reap what they’ve sown. They believe that “revenge is sweet”. I know. I’ve been there. I’ve done that. And to be honest…. there will likely be a time in the future when I will venture down that road again. It feels good to think that people who’ve hurt us “will get what’s coming to them”.

One thing about karma is that it is indeed a bitch. It creates a circle of waiting to get what you deserve and waiting for others to get what they deserve. It holds everyone in that circle prisoner. I’ve seen people I love waste their lives looking back and waiting for karma to get even with someone who’s hurt them. All they see is ugly. All they do is wait.

But oh forgiveness… it sets people free.

That’s what I choose. I choose to forgive. I choose freedom.

In an attempt to teach my children the power of grace, I’ve made a repentance/forgiveness box for the last few Lenten seasons. The boxes are wrapped in paper with a slot cut in the top for inserting notes. I write scriptures, love notes really, about grace and forgiveness all over the box and attach a nail to the top that represents the ones used to hold Jesus on the cross. next to the box are notepads and a jar of pens. Between Ash Wednesday and Easter Sunday everyone who enters our home is invited to leave their sins and their unforgiveness in the box and on Easter night, we burn the entire thing.

Except this year… Dear Hubby and I have been stuck. I made the box on Mardi Gras and for six weeks, everyone who entered our home, was encouraged to leave something behind. And although the box was full and I had given my word to many that it would be burned, we held on to it. I only intended to delay the burning until I FELT like I had forgiven the people whose names I’d deposited in the box. But the delay turned into days, and then weeks, and then months. We just kept delaying the letting go. In the waiting we kept adding to the collection of paper in the box. Week after week, some days hour after hour, we would scribble names and details on pieces of paper, fold them neatly, and insert them in the box’s opening.

If you read the Sermon on the Mount, skip forward to Matthew 18 and read the parable of the unforgiving debtor. It’s a perfect picture of the difference between forgiveness and karma. In the beginning of the parable Peter asks Jesus,“Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times?”

“No, not seven times,” Jesus replied, “but seventy times seven!…”

For most of my life I was overwhelmed by this concept. Are we really required to forgive someone four hundred and ninety times? What does that even look like? Can you imagine telling your six month old baby, “I forgive you for puking on my favorite sweater.” FOUR HUNDRED AND NINETY times?!

Then again, that baby’s first words might be, “I forgive you…” Hmmmm….there’s some food for thought.

Despite the fact that the abundance of forgiving might produce a ridiculously graceful child, I really don’t think that’s what Jesus was saying at all. I believe that Jesus was saying that you keep forgiving until your heart stops hurting. If you’re still seeing ugly in a person, you probably need to keep forgiving them. If you’re still expectantly waiting for someone to get what they deserve, you’re not done forgiving.

For four months my husband and I dropped notes in the box that said abstract things like, “I forgive the Army.”, “I forgive the people who made the false accusations against my husband.”, “I forgive the people or person that is trying to destroy my husband’s career.”

And then… in June, we got the investigation notes and we had actual names attached to actual faces. We had actual actions and words spoken. Our notes changed. Our forgiveness changed.

If I had to guess, between the day we got the investigation notes and the night we burned the box, we each wrote several thousand notes. It may have actually taken 490 scraps of paper covered with two specific names for our hearts to feel free…

Fun fact: Forgiveness does not only release the forgiver and the forgiven. It also releases the power of God to move in miraculous ways.

Thirty-six hours after we burned that box, my dear hubby got a phone call from one of his old bosses. Someone that has not contacted him in four years and whose name was dropped in the box a few times, called to apologize. That’s worth repeating… He apologized. Profusely. And… he promised to get dear hubby’s security clearance immediately reinstated. And he did. He also did much, much more to restore what we thought was forever gone. And now my dear hubby is getting ready to start a REALLY SWEET job that will allow him to finish well. For four years we’ve prayed… “God, please allow him the opportunity to finish well. Amen.” The career-killer letter? It’s gone.

I want to make something clear. Forgiveness CANNOT be tied to an apology. There’s not a single place in scripture that says so. I had to forgive my Mother for some big, huge, ugly things after she was dead. I’ll never get an apology from her. She is still forgiven. I’ve been hurt by complete strangers (and close friends) who’ve said ugly things about my stimmers (my kiddos with autism). I may never get an apology. They are still forgiven. The men who made the accusations against my husband will likely never apologize. We forgive them anyway.

Sometimes you get an apology. Most of the time you don’t. Forgive anyway.

The apology my man got. It’s a gift. It’s our lagniappe. It’s one of our many miracles.

One more thing… That little note at the top.. the one about Karma not having a menu? That makes me sad. I like menus. I like choices. Some days I want the calamari and some days I want the stuffed mushrooms. And let’s be honest… Do any of us actually want what we deserve? If I got what I truly deserved I’d be feasting nightly on dirty dishwater. But God… He loves me enough to have given His son so that I get to feast daily on His goodness and forgiveness.

So when given the choice between forgiveness and karma; I choose forgiveness. Always.