You know how some people have meticulously organized drawers and closets, while others have meticulously clean countertops and furniture? Well, my drawers and closets are pretty organized.
If you didn’t already read the ten things I learned from cancer, click here. As I was grocery shopping today I thought of one more thing that should have made the list.
1. more. thing. BRAG ABOUT YOUR AGE!!
I recently had a conversation with a beautiful friend that I assumed was around my age. After ten minutes of prodding she finally whispered a number to me that I immediately screamed out with bugged eyes and hands in the air. She is twelve years older than me. Seriously? You’re beautiful. You appear to be at least a decade younger than your actual age. And you whisper the number after ten minutes of persistent prodding? Come on! Stand up in restaurants and scream it out. Put it in your signature block on your email. Attach your age to your name when introducing yourself (“Hi, I’m Kate and I’m 52 years old. Can you believe it? I look great for my age. Don’t I?”). Be proud that God gave you every single one of those minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, and years to do something great.
Psalm 139:16 You saw me before I was born.
Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
Every moment was laid out
before a single day had passed.
There is no guarantee that I will ever reach the age of my friend. Only God knows how many days he has planned for me. What I do know is that three days before my three-year cancer-free day… I celebrated my FORTY-FIRST birthday. Yep. That’s right. I’m bragging about being forty-one years old. You know why? Because it’s a gift. I just hope that on the very last day I have to brag about my age, I can say that I filled the majority of the days given to me with purpose.
The weight of life at this moment has given me two choices. 1) I can curl up in bed and quit functioning in an attempt to wait it out. or 2) I can read 1 Thessalonians 5:15-18 over and over again and try really hard to live it out…
See that no one repays another with evil for evil, but always seek after that which is good for one another and for all people.Rejoice always;pray without ceasing; IN EVERYTHING GIVE THANKS; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.
In my attempts to live out the “in everything give thanks” part, I have spent my days searching. We have a great home to live in. We have working vehicles. We are physically healthy. We have a great community of friends and family who stand with us. We have health insurance that pays for all of Sofija’s treatment. Sofija has a great school that can handle her behaviors less than ten minutes from our house. My almost-grown children are on really great paths in life… So many things to be thankful for!
But today is a little different. Today I don’t have to put on rose-colored glasses, or search hard, or ask God to change my perspective. Today is my cancer-free day… 🙂
June 18, 2009 I paced my kitchen and wiped up every single fingerprint and crumb I could find. Willing the phone to ring. Willing the phone to ring. Why wouldn’t the phone just ring?!?!
The call I was waiting on was one of those fork in the road calls. After two years of living with thyroid cancer, I was about to find out if my summer would be spent undergoing surgery plus more radiation and isolation, or celebrating freedom from the big “C”. The phone finally rang and the doctor said something like, “I can’t explain it, but you’re cancer-free.” God will always get the glory for that moment. I was healed. I am healed. I am cancer-free.
Since that summer day in 2009, I have had the opportunity to share what I learned on my cancer journey with a few other people battling it themselves. The first thing I always say to someone recently diagnosed with cancer is this… If cancer doesn’t change your life for the better, it was a waste. Hearing that I was cancer-free was a defining moment. Hearing that I had cancer was a refining moment. That’s what cancer should always be. It should refine you. For me, the physical healing that was confirmed on June 18th was simply a reflection of the spiritual and emotional healing that had taken place over the two years between my diagnosis and that phone call. God used cancer to clean out my junk. He took away layer after layer of scars and wounds until I was something worthy of being used by Him. And then He set me on fire for purpose. I don’t want to ever again lay my head on my pillow and wonder what my purpose was for the day I just lived. Be it parenting, loving my husband, writing, cooking dinner, or weeding my garden, I want to live a life of purpose.
Now… all that gooey life-changing for the better stuff aside. Here are a few unexpected bits of wisdom that came with thyroid cancer.
1. radiation + sunshine = instant age spots
2. iodine is in almost everything you eat (thanks to the 3-week low-iodine diet required before my annual scans)
3. What I once thought was my highest weight… Not even close!
4. I now know the exact weight when my muffin-top appears.
5. I now know the exact weight when my bought and paid for chest is a size bigger than I bought and paid for…. And two sizes bigger.
6. Without synthroid it is actually possible to gain a pound a day while eating absolutely nothing.
7. The rut left in your neck when your thyroid is removed can actually help disguise all the weight gain mentioned above.
8. Every dentist office has a thyroid guard that can be used to protect your thyroid during x-rays. Yet…not a single dentist I know of actually asks if you would like them to use it. ~ Soapbox moment: Federal law only requires dentists to have a thyroid guard in the office. There is no law requiring that it be used. Helloooo?!?!
9. Once you’re placed in the cancer corral, you will forever hear a little voice suggesting that every ache or pain or odd feeling just might be….
10. There’s a lot of other really awesome people in the cancer corral that I may have missed out on if I had never been placed there myself.
My online/special needs Mama/international adoption/God-loving friend, Gillian wrote a great post today on the needs of us mothers who have children with special needs. PLEASE take the time to read it! http://www.gillianmarchenko.com/2012/06/10-special-needs-of-mothers-of-children-with-special-needs/#comment-878 I’ve written before about the loneliness and isolation that comes from parenting children with special needs and I’m sure I will write about it again in the future. If your kids are typical, guess what? They still share this planet with my kids. Are you teaching them by example that every person is equal in the eyes of God? If not, I hope that you read Gillian’s post and learn something.
In the book of Joshua (in the Bible) the Israelites FINALLY get to cross the Jordan River and enter the Promised Land. In the process of crossing the river, the Lord speaks to Joshua and tells him to have one man from each of the twelve tribes go back and gather a stone. They are to carry the stone on their shoulder to the place where they stayed the night (in the middle of the riverbed that God had dried out just for them). The stones were to serve as a reminder that God cut off the flow of the water just so they could walk into the territory that had been promised to them. Hope I haven’t lost you, but this story is extremely significant to me at the moment. You see….
From 1998-2000 our family lived in a little Korean city called Tongduchon (I’m quite certain I spelled it wrong.) Those two years opened my eyes to something that I previously had no idea was going on in this great big world. I could not walk one block down the streets of Tongduchon without recognizing that all around me, women were living in slavery. I began to build relationships with girls from the Philippines who were promised the world by a woman or man who brought them to Korea and held their passports while forcing them into prostitution. My friends and I did what we could to help the girls make money outside of “the clubs” and we successfully raised money to buy the freedom of a few who were able to return home to their families. What we did never felt like enough.
While living in Korea we vacationed in Thailand. If my eyes had not been opened to the sex-trade in Korea, they had no choice but to acknowledge its ugliness in Thailand. Everywhere we went we saw older white men walking around with young Thai children that they had purchased for their time in the country. While shopping we would have flyers thrust at us by children with price lists of the sexual acts they were willing to perform. Thailand was one of my most beautiful and disgusting life experiences all rolled into one package. At the time I was five months pregnant with Seth and I cried myself to sleep on several occasions over the thought of bringing another life into a world that contained such ugliness. My heart ached for those children. Where were their mothers? I could not imagine anything I could do that would ever be enough.
In the last few months of our time in Korea we noticed a change happening in the business of sexual slavery. When we first arrived the girls were mostly Filipino. By the time we left, they were mostly Russian and Eastern European. It was a very strange phenomena to be in a place where you rarely saw anyone who looked like you and then come across someone who did and not be able to communicate with them. The Filipino girls always spoke English. The new girls did not.
A pimp rented out the apartment above us and filled it with seven or eight of these girls. My heart ached. I watched them come and go. I watched the Johns (mostly American soldiers) come and go. I heard screaming and crying through our ceiling. I smiled at them and took them cookies and brownies and ached for a conversation. Once again, I felt overwhelmed. What could I ever do that would be enough to erase the ugliness of what these girls were experiencing?
Something else happened while we lived in Korea. Several of our friends adopted children. A dialogue on the possibility of us adopting in the future began. A dialogue that eventually led us to the home of the girls who lived on the other side of my ceiling in Korea. A dialogue that led us to Sofija.
If you’ve read this blog for any amount of time you know it began as a way of documenting our adoption process. Throughout our adoption journey I never took the time to document all that took place in our lives leading up to the day Sofija found us. I find it so entertaining that we just knew she was meant to be ours when we learned about her even though we had no clue where in the world she lived. When we did find out that she was in Serbia we actually had to look at a map to see exactly where that was. And… it wasn’t until we were in Serbia (hearing the spoken language) that I began to realize that the girls living in slavery in Korea, the girls whose floor was our ceiling, must’ve come from there.
The day we met Sofija we were asked if we planned to prostitute her. It had never crossed my mind that someone might suspect we had bad intentions for her. But for the people who loved her in Serbia, such a fate was a very real possibility. We spent three weeks in Serbia seeing things through gray-cloudy lenses. The food was great. The people were beautiful. The oppression was heavy and real. There was this feeling I got anytime I was close to the girls living in slavery in Korea. The air around me would thicken. It took an extra effort just to walk or breathe or speak. It was like being under water. I felt the same thing when I saw the children in Thailand. For the entire three weeks that we were in Serbia, that feeling never lifted. I felt the yoke of slavery.
I also felt the disgrace of discrimination. People looked at us everywhere we went. Not because we looked different or spoke a different language. But because we had two children with us who are autistic. They make noises. They jump around and rock and spin and flap their arms and tap things and sniff things. People stared with disgust. We looked and looked and looked some more, but we never once saw another person in public that had any special needs. They were hidden.
Last year I returned to Serbia and had the honor of getting to know people who have dedicated their lives to breaking the yokes of slavery and discrimination in Serbia. I met parents who were forced to choose between keeping their child born with special needs and maintaining relationships with their extended family. Those same parents have dedicated their lives to educating their children and taking part in changing laws regarding special needs citizens. And… God gave me the honor of building relationships with people who have a heart to bring His message to their nation.
Which leads me to gathering stones.
While we were in Korea and Thailand and Serbia, I did often feel like I was under water. But you know what? I wasn’t. I was camped out in the middle of a river bed with the waters held back on every side of me. I could feel the pressure and the moisture, but it never consumed me. And now I have an opportunity to gather stones and take them back to that place where God held the waters back.
Those people I met who have a heart to bring God’s message of salvation and hope to Serbia have taken on something BIG. Have you ever seen the movie Faith Like Potatoes? If not, watch it on Netflix NOW! My friends have taken a ‘faith like potatoes’ leap. They have reserved two venues in Serbia for September 21st and 22nd and they have Nick Vujicic coming to speak. If you don’t know about Nick, click on his name above and read his story. He’s AMAZING! Nick was born with no limbs and he’s proven that we are not defined by what the world says we are. He’s proven that there is no special need that God cannot use. He is a bringer of hope. Oh. Did I mention that his parents are Serbian? And… we’re gonna see him at Creation Fest in June!
On May 2nd, 2011, I wrote a post called ‘set up’. Sleep evaded me that night. My heart was aching for the people of Serbia. I was there and I could see a lack of hope, a lack of God’s love, in the eyes of people everywhere I went. It was that night that I begin to beg God for opportunities to bring hope and to bring His love to the people of Serbia. Even if it’s never enough, I want to end this life saying that I gave it my all.
So… will you help me as I pick up a stone and carry it on my shoulder back to Serbia?
We’ve set up a fundraiser through wepay. I’m working this week to transform my blog to accept widgets, but for now the link will have to suffice.
I have spent a year questioning why God stopped Paul (repeatedly) from going through Serbia. Why he made him turn back south from Macedonia and didn’t let him cross the Adriatic Sea to reach Italy will be one of my first ‘Heaven questions’. Whatever God’s reasoning, I do know that he has provided a voice and a time for Serbia to hear His message. The voice is Nick Vujicic and the time is this September.
I sat down at the table for lunch today and decided to open my Bible (it was sitting in the middle of the table). I open it every day with no regard for the papers I have tucked between pages and inside the covers. Today was different. Today, I flipped it open and pulled out a card. A card I don’t even remember receiving. The print on the card says this….
You hold a special place in God’s heart and a special purpose in the world…
…and that makes YOU irreplaceable.
Behold, what manner of love the Father hath bestowed upon us
I John 3:1
A sweet card in it’s own right. But what was written in it makes it a precious gift…
“Dearest Ana-Sophia,
Welcome to our family. When I saw this card I knew right away it was meant for you. I know you’re still young and won’t understand all I’m trying to say, but hopefully, your mama will save it for you and when you’re older you’ll know just how much God has loved you from before you were born. I know he had your mama and tata already picked out to carry out HIS plan for your life and I know we’ll all be much happier to have you as one of “ours”. I will continue to hold you up in my prayers and can hardly wait to see you bloom!! Always know that you can call on me anytime. Give Kira, Chase, and Seth some love for me. And be sweet to them-Love them and show them just how much you do. I’m looking forward to June when I’ll finally be able to meet you and show you off to all your extended family. I do love you and hope you can feel that love.
So much love, Maw Maw Bagot….
P.S. I can hardly wait to see just how God is going to use you. I just pray you’ll submit to His love and follow Him!! He gave His son Jesus for you and me and all who would believe on Him – Oh, what love!!”
Tonight, as I folded the laundry, I got choked up when i realized that I only have twelve more days before Seth turns twelve. Hasn’t somebody invented a time machine already? I look at the shadow over his upper lip and feel like I have an elephant on my chest. So. Hard. To. Breathe. What happened to my baby boy? I really wish he could stay little just a little longer. We were cheated out of so much of his little-boy time in the years when he didn’t speak or make any eye contact. Is it really too much to ask for me to want puberty and adulthood to hold off for as many years as we missed out on being a part of his world?!
So tonight, just a few hours after I lost my breath while folding laundry, my friend Bethany posted the following link as her facebook status…If you have a child with special needs or if you know a child with special needs or even if you just live in this world and share air with all the special people on this planet…. CLICK HERE.
Losing any of my babies is/was/will always be my biggest fear. It’s nice to know that someone responsible for protecting the rest of us, deals with it too.
Our pastor, David Stine, challenged our church to commit to reading the Bible for 20minutes/day for 40 days. The challenge involved getting 1000 people to sign up for the challenge in exchange for him reading the entire New Testament in one sitting. 1000 people stepped up and last night at 7pm he began reading. I listened until 3am and then fell asleep with the word of God filling our room. It was amazing to rest for five hours and awake with the living word pouring into my soul! The first words I heard this morning were from Romans 9:25… I will call them ‘my people’ who are not my people; and I will call her ‘my loved one’ who is not my loved one,” and, “it will happen that in the very place where it was said to them, ‘You are not my people,’ they will be called ‘sons of the living God.’ “
Isn’t that beautiful?! “I will call her ‘my loved one’…. God’s love note to me this morning. Love that. 🙂
Anyway, I thought there might be a reader out there who might enjoy filling their spirit today with the word. After 14 hours, he’s in 1 Corinthians…. a little over halfway through! Go, PD!!
2 Timothy 3:16All Scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives. It corrects us when we are wrong and teaches us to do what is right.
Psalm 119:105 Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.
Psalm 119:103 How sweet your words taste to me; they are sweeter than honey. (I’ve been claiming this over PD’s throat all night.)
Sunday afternoon I was standing at my kitchen sink when I felt something itchy on my back. It was in the weird, hard-to-get-to spot just a couple of inches under my bra-strap and about an inch to the right of my spine. You know… that spot that you can’t usually reach. Sunday was the exception to that rule. When the itching got intense, my Mrs. Incredible flexibility skills kicked in and I reached back there and scratched the itchy spot. An action I quickly regretted. As I scratched, I felt a burn and was fairly certain that I just removed something that had been pretty firmly attached. Inspecting my finger, my fears were confirmed. I had just dislodged a deer tick and I wasn’t quite certain I had removed the entire thing.
Fast forward 48 hours. The bite grew from a dime-sized red spot to a saucer-sized spot with a very clear bulls-eye appearance and a scaly bump in the middle. And…. my throat started to hurt. And… lymph nodes started swelling in my neck, and any other place you can imagine. By 4am this morning, I was…. absolutely….miserable. I got up and gargled with lysterine with the hopes that it would kill whatever had set my throat on fire. Being a typical internet-junkie I laid in bed from 4am-6am reading every single thing I could find on tick bites and tonsils. Why do I do that to myself? I filled my head with fear AND missed out on sleep. Despite my mounting fears and a body that was telling me I must be terribly ill, by 6:30am, I was bent over on my bed sobbing and trying to claim wellness.
Fast forward to 3:30pm est today (May 9, 2012). The emergency room doctor enters my room, taps my shoulder, and says, “I’m so sorry.” (Just for the record, NO good news ever comes after a doctor apologizes.) “You, my dear, have strep throat. AND, you have Lyme antibodies. They don’t usually show up so fast and we don’t usually catch it until it’s done a lot of damage. So, maybe the strep is a good thing.” Ummm….. Sure, Doc.
So there you have it. I can hardly swallow. I hurt from my head to my toes. I have a big nasty scaly thing on my back (or at least that’s what I’ve been told… I can’t actually see it for myself). I have a fever. And… I should count myself blessed because without the strep, it would have taken weeks or even months for them to realize I had been exposed to Lyme disease and by that time I could have all sorts of nasty symptoms.
My friend Leah wrote this post back in February and I came across it today. “But you CHOSE this.” It covers a topic that every single adoptive family we know has struggled with to some degree. Please read it and then ask yourself if you truly got it when Jesus’ own brother said…. James 1:26-27If you claim to be religious but don’t control your tongue, you are fooling yourself, and your religion is worthless. Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means CARING FOR ORPHANS and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you.
After some lengthy facetime with Rachelle this morning, I realized I needed to go back and read this post that I originally wrote in June of 2010. After reading it, I thought that there might be someone out there who needed the reminders as much as I did. Enjoy!
You might want to sit down for this one. I’ve got a week’s worth of purpose to find in this post.
1le·git·i·mate
Pronunciation: \li-ˈji-tə-mət\
Function: adjective
1 a: lawfully begotten; specifically: born in wedlock b: having filial rights 2: being exactly as purposed 3 a: in accordance with the law
This word and it’s many applications have been on my mind for quite some time. My parents divorced when I was five years old. I was born a legitimate child, but by definition, I was illegitimate from that point on. I still had a Dad and I still had a relationship with him, but the minute my parents stopped living together, I lost my filial rights.
How’s that for a word of the day. Just so you don’t have to open another tab and look up the meaning of filial (like I did), it’s an adjective meaning: of, pertaining to, or befitting a son or daughter.
Anyone who has grown up in a house with a single mom knows what I am referring to. When you ask your Mom for anything that she can’t provide, you can’t just walk across the room and ask your Dad. When your mom’s busy cooking dinner and your bike breaks or your ball needs air or you can’t find something, you either learn to take care of it yourself or you do without. You avoid confrontations in elementary school just because you don’t have the “wait till my Dad comes up here” card to throw down. At school, church or scouting events that include an invite for your dad, you either find a way to stay home, try to disappear at the event, or tag along with a friend and ‘borrow’ their dad. This latter option is probably the most torturous. No, it is indeed the most torturous. I know not just from my own experiences, but because I’ve discussed it with others and anyone who’s been there will tell you that it sucks. There is nothing quite as difficult as being the third wheel on a parent/child date. This is a great place to use my cool new word. The third wheel has no filial rights. The third wheel always waits for the dad to help out their own child before they get a turn with the ‘borrowed dad’.
For the last week, I’ve thought alot about my own illegitimacy. My Mom was always quick to tell me that God was really everybody’s father and that I should be dependent on Him. There was just one big flaw in that lecture. I had no clue what that looked like. The concept of a strong fatherly figure being there to care for me on a weekly, daily and hourly basis was foreign to me. I felt like a temporary guest in my Dad’s house and looking back I can see that I also felt like a temporary guest in my Father’s house. It was nice to visit, but I didn’t feel comfortable digging through the fridge and getting fed.
I can’t say that it happened at one specific moment. It was definitely a process. But in the last decade of my life I came to know what the picture of God as my father looks like. Being a parent has painted a pretty clear picture, but the process took more than just loving my own children. Just typing it makes me wince a little, but… I had to give up control. I also had to learn to be dependent.
1 John 3
What marvelous love the Father has extended to us! Just look at it—we’re called children of God!
Psalm 68:5
Father to the fatherless, defender of widows – this is God, whose dwelling is holy.
In the five weeks that Sofija has been a member of our family, I have watched her struggle with this same concept. She came into our family not knowing how to be dependent on anyone. I’ve mentioned before that she called anyone that she thought would give her what she wanted, “Mama”. I’m not gonna lie. It hurt. I cannot count how many times I’ve watched her run to complete strangers and grab onto them while calling them by the name that should have been reserved for me.
Every time my name slipped through her lips, aimed in someone else’s direction, I have thought of the 1st of the ten commandments. “You shall have no other gods before or besides me.” The persistent whisper of that one simple sentence brought with it conviction and consolation. God knows exactly what it feels like to desire dependency from your child. He knows what it’s like to listen to others being called by the name that should be reserved for you. He knows what it feels like to give unconditional, unanswered love.
Who knows? Maybe I needed a refresher on just how badly God desires to be my primary caretaker. This recurring theme prompted me to dig for more scripture on the subject. There are dozens of verses between Genesis and Revelation that reiterate just how strongly God feels about being numero uno in our lives, but this one really grabbed my attention.
Deuteronomy 4:35
The LORD wants you to know he is the only true God, and he wants you to obey him.
Perhaps it’s because I so desperately wanted my daughter to acknowledge that I am her only mother and because I want her to listen to me when I give her direction.
One day last week I was praying about my desires for her to see me as her primary caretaker and I realized that during all the years I lacked dependency on God, the real issue was a lack of trust. It wasn’t as simple as me not depending on Him. I didn’t trust Him to be dependable. Too many years of my life were spent missing out on the fullness of the blessed life that God had in store for me simply because I didn’t trust Him.
I am one of those people who saves lists of ridiculous campaign promises and crosses them off the list as they are broken. Being a list person, I put together this list of gifts that are promised to us if we give God our trust. Guess what? I’ve never had to cross anything off it.
You will be happy – Proverbs 16:20
You will not walk in darkness – but in God’s light – John 8:12
God will direct your paths in the life – Proverbs 3:6
You will prosper wherever you go – Joshua 1:7-9
Your mind will be at perfect peace – Isaiah 26:3
Your heart will remain steadfast in the Lord – Psalm 112:5-8
You will have no want – you shall not lack any good thing – Psalm 34:8-10
You shall be safe in your surroundings – Proverbs 29:25
You shall possess the land – Isaiah 57:13
You will have the desires of your heart – Psalm 37:4
Proverbs 3:5
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.”
You can’t depend on someone that you don’t trust. Period.
Sofija’s nesting is all about her lack of trust. Her testing us with violence is all about her lack of trust. Her self-soothing rocking is all about her lack of trust. It all goes back to her not knowing what the picture of dependency looks like and not trusting anyone to paint that picture for her.
So…about a week ago, my prayers and my behaviors changed. Okay, my behavior didn’t change all that drastically, but I am now making a very conscious effort to build her trust. I am also praying with her as often as possible. I want her to have a very clear picture of what it looks like to trust God.
Something funny happened when I finally allowed God to occupy the role of primary caretaker in my life. It got a whole lot easier to navigate and accept all of my other relationships. With my dependency and trust in the right place, it makes it easy to just love the people in my life and to let them love me in return.
The day after my prayers changed from asking God to fulfill my own selfish desires to asking Him to change me and show me how to be trustworthy in my daughter’s eyes, my Dad, my step-Mom, and her Mom came to visit. On Friday we toured the Pentagon. I think everyone was amazed at how peaceful and cooperative Sofija was throughout the day. We arrived home and found that her citizenship certificate had arrived from USCIS.
To my surprise, they even spelled everything correctly. I guess I still have a few trust issues with that whole agency.
We spent Saturday walking the paths of Arlington cemetery. Sofija had no idea just how significant this sequence of events was, but I could not overlook it. The day after she became an American citizen, she walked the paths that wind through the graves of those who gave value to that citizenship. She is now a member of a nation that guarantees her many freedoms that did not come free.
Sunday morning was the pinnacle of our weekend. My family came here not only to sight-see, but to witness the dedications of my nephew and my daughter.
On Sunday night I climbed in bed unable to escape my thoughts about what had taken place in three short days. On April 27th, Sofija became legally ours. Chad’s name was placed on the paternal part of her birth certificate, but it wasn’t until after her dedication that I began to think about what a big deal that is. She is about the same age that I was when my parents divorced. At the age where I lost my filial rights, she gained them. She is now an American citizen. We, as her parents, have dedicated ourselves to raising her in a God-first home. We are committed to steering her toward God’s purpose for her life. By every definition of the word, she is legitimate.
On Monday morning I had some alone time with God before everyone else was awake. I was in the middle of thanking Him for being the “father of the fatherless”, when I realized something. During the week before her dedication and throughout the weekend, Sofija encountered hundreds of new people. New faces had been in and out of our home every single day and we passed new faces every place we went. Not once had she called someone else by my name. For more than a week now the word “Mama” has been reserved for me. I am legitimately her one and only mother. A week ago I felt pretty convicted for asking God to take care of that desire. But you know what? Giving us the desires of our heart is one of those promises he can fulfill when we whole-heartedly trust Him.
On Monday evening I saw my Dad off. We didn’t exchange lengthy goodbyes because we know we will see each other again in a few weeks. As he hugged me, told me he loves me and said how great the visit had been; my heart was full. His name has always filled the paternal part of my birth certificate. I have felt comfortable digging through his fridge and being fed in his home for many years now.
And…my Mom was right. God really was always there filling the role of Father. All the filial rights and Biblical promises were there for the taking too. I just had to trust Him.
And one more thing. I really hope it pleases God just as much to hear me call Him, “Father” as it pleases me to hear Sofija call me, “Mama.”
Lux, Libertas 