Three years ago today I went to a hot yoga class with my precious friend Lindsey.  It was torturous and we agreed to never go back.  Yoga is supposed to be peaceful.  This particular class was run by a retired drill sergeant who screamed at us throughout the entire hour of 100 degree hell.  I remember that it happened on April 27th because Lindsey called her sister JJ (another precious girly) on the way to the class to wish her a “Happy Birthday.”  April 27th, 2009 was a day of blissful ignorance.  The hardest part of that day was being yelled at by the former drill sergeant.  I had absolutely no clue that one year later I would be half-way around the world becoming the mother of a little girl who is better described as a force of nature than sugar and spice.  On April 27th, 2009, if that mean yoga instructor in his creepy little speedo had asked me to find Serbia on the globe, I would have burst into tears or puked.  I was already sweating profusely, so I’m sure tears and vomit would have appeared quickly.  Anyway…. three years ago I had never heard of Serbia.  One year later, I was there claiming my child.

Click here to read about our Gotcha Day….

Baby Girl, you’ve broken me and changed me and molded me and aged me.  You’ve become a thread in the fabric that is weaving the story of my life.  You’ve taken up residence in my heart.  You’ve shown me that loving and nurturing are two of the most valuable gifts a human can receive or give.  God has used you to prove to me that His grace truly is sufficient (2 Corinthians 12:9) and that He really does bless those who trust Him and place their hope and confidence in Him (Jeremiah 17:7).  We love you like crazy and we wouldn’t trade you for any other seven year old girl in the world!

Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for Sofija, declares the Lord.  Plans to prosper her and not to harm her.  Plans to give her hope and a future.”

On the Monday after Easter Sofija learned to ride her bike.  In typical Sofija fashion, she never fell and she required very little guidance.  She simply got on and started pedaling.  The only glitch in her learning curve came when she would brake by pedaling backwards….. which she did quite often.  After three or four episodes of coming to a screeching halt she got off the bike, threw it to the ground, raised her open palms to just above her waist, and screamed, “WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?”  Before I could laugh the thought ran through my head, “Oh, Lord!  She’s been listening to me pray.”

On Saturday, April 21st, my grandmother (MawMaw) was buried.  Well, technically not buried.  She’s in a mausoleum.  Her husband (my PawPaw) died in 1995.  Her only child (my Mama) died in 2006.  That means, at age 40, I am now the oldest member of that branch of my family.  I gotta say.  It’s kinda weird.  In some ways I feel like the biggest flippin’ grownup on the planet and in other ways I feel like a very vulnerable little girl.  I’m not quite sure why I feel the need to share that, but it’s one of those things that keeps rolling around in my head and I guess I’m just running out of head-space.

MawMaw actually passed away at 9:28am central time on April 16th.  The 17th was filled with packing and planning and preparing for our twelve hundred mile (each way) journey.  I had been told by my endocrinologist that I would receive the results from my cancer scans on April 16th.  So… I paused my breathing and developed a lump in my throat with each and every phone call I received on the 16th and 17th.  Do you have a large extended family?  Have you ever lost a member of that large extended family?  You get A LOT of phone calls.  Unfortunately, none of them were from my doctor or his nurse.  As we finished loading up our luggage around dinner time on the 17th, I sent a quick email to both my endo and his nurse informing them that I would be traveling for the week.  It sucked to think that I may have to wait until after MawMaw’s funeral to know my test results and I can’t honestly say I was dealing with the fear uncertainty very well.

Really, God?  I just lost my grandmother  AND I have to travel to Louisiana and then back to Virginia and wait another week to know if I’m still cancer-free?  If I weren’t so flippin’ emotionally worn out already I probably would have thrown my hands up and screamed, “WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?”

On the morning of the 18th, somewhere in north Alabama or southeast Tennessee, I had a little chat with God.  As I began to plead my case with Him, I heard him say, “Remember Sofija and the bike?  I’m your bicycle.  I need you to just keep pedaling forward.  Stop hitting the brakes and then blaming it on me when your life comes to a screeching halt.”  Gee thanks, God.    I was kinda looking for a little pity.  You could have easily said, “It’s okay, Kaci.  I’ve got this.  You can just stop functioning for a little while and I’ll still make sure you achieve every single dream I’ve put in your heart without any effort on your part.”  But, no.  I got the “keep pedaling” speech.

Within minutes of my acceptance that every single fulfilling moment or period of growth in my life has resulted from enduring the tough stuff, I got a phone call.  I saw that it was from Walter Reed Army Hospital, but I lost my cell phone signal before I could answer it.  As soon as I had two bars again, I had a voice-message from my doctor.  It went something like this, “…. All your scans are clean and your non-stimulated and stimulated thyroglobulin (tumor marker) are both undetectable.”  Interpretation = I’m still CANCER-FREE!!  Go God!!  The cherry on that sundae is that I got the news on the 18th.  I have a thing for the number 18.

I’m not going to lie.  Although it was quite a relief, the good news did very little to cheer me up.  MawMaw was one of my very best friends.  My other-Mama.  She was my biggest cheerleader.  My real-life source of unconditional love and unending grace.  I miss her.  Terribly.  Seeing the empty case that housed her spirit and soul for eighty-five years was painful.  She’s really gone and I’m quite certain that I have a long way to go in the mourning process.  But you know what?  I know what the answer to Sofija’s question is.  I know what my God wants from me.  He just wants me to keep moving forward.

If you can list a reason for being dys/non-functional, I could probably check the box next to it.  Been there.  Done that.  Got the t-shirt to prove it.  But excuses don’t count.  God’s truth does.  And His truth says…..

2 Corinthians 12:9 Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.

Philippians 4:13 For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.

and…..

James 1:2-4 Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. ³ For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. ⁴ So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.

So…. I guess I’ll just keep pedaling.

Have you ever found yourself smack-dab in the middle of a season in your life where things were just too emotionally tolling to put into words?  Me too.  Today.  And yesterday.  And the day before.  But I have all this stuff running through my head and I’m hoping that trying to get it out will bring me some peace.

On March 3rd, my grandmother (one of the best women on the planet) turned 85.  Her husband (she remarried at 80 after being widowed for 12 years) had trouble waking her up on the morning of her birthday so he called 911.  Her blood sugar was 36 so the paramedics made her a sandwich, waited for her blood sugar to rise, and left.  The next morning her husband had trouble waking her up again.  This time the paramedics took her to the hospital.  My dear hubby encouraged me to book a plane ticket and pack my bags.  I did not think it was the end of her life, but I knew it was time to make some decisions about her care.  For more on my time with her read Finding Smiles.

Back in December I received confirmation that my thyroid hormones were not what they should have been.  After gaining 35lbs in three months I had a pretty good idea.  I at least hoped my lack of a thyroid was the culprit.  My messed up hormone levels led to my endocrinologist scheduling a whole body scan to see if there is any new cancer growing somewhere in my body.  Oh, how I wish a whole body scan (from here forward referred to as a WBS) was as simple as typing out those three little words.  But it’s not.  In fact, it’s far from it.  In order to prepare for said body scan, I have to purge my body of iodine.  If you’ve never tried to purge a naturally occurring mineral from your body, you should drop to your knees now and count yourself blessed.  I’m totally serious.

The purging is done by eliminating all packaged and processed foods from your diet.  Oh, and you can’t eat out, or have dairy, or anything from the sea, or the skins of any root vegetables, or more than five ounces of meat per day, or any seasoning that has salt added to it, or anything that may have passed through a facility which may have been cleaned with iodine.  Which means, there aren’t many options.  Did I mention that this iodine purging attempt must be done for three weeks?  Yep.  That’s right.  Three whole weeks of creative home-cooking.

The original plan was to have it all done and over with by the end of February.  At the end of my first week on the low iodine diet (from here forward referred to as the LID) the plague visited our house.  I was sick and anticipating my 18th wedding anniversary, so I asked the nurse at my endo’s office to reschedule for March.  She obliged and at the end of February I started the LID all over again in preparation for a WBS on March 16th.  You see the schedule conflict yet?  After another ten days on the LID, I extended my stay with my grandmother and once again asked my nurse to reschedule my WBS.  She once again obliged and sent me a message saying something like, “We have a training exercise at the end of March….Can’t reschedule your WBS until April 6th.”  I didn’t even look at the calendar.

As I pulled into the rental car garage at the Houston airport on March 19th, I was a little sick to my stomach.  I had to leave my grandmother’s side without any certainty about her long-term prognosis or where she would go when she was discharged from the hospital.  My heart was torn between my longing to be with my family and my desire to make sure my MawMaw is comfortable and cared-for in whatever time she has left in this life.  Thrown into my mix of emotions was grief.  Friends lost their precious two and half-year old daughter the week before and I knew that my first evening at home would be spent at her memorial service.  The fruit cocktail of emotions making me sick to my stomach also contained several thoughts about the trip to the Big Apple that I was taking with my oldest daughter and her Orchestra on the 21st.  How the heck was I going to stick with the LID in New York?  Better yet, how the heck was I going to find time to do laundry and pack?  I’d been gone for more than two weeks and I had just a little over 48hours to prepare to leave again.

As I walked through airport security, about the only thing missing from my emotional fruit cocktail was anger.  The TSA agent took care of that.  This short, bald, tattooed guy walked through the body scanner just before me.  With my shoes and bags still inside the scanner, the agent stopped the belt and ran around to Baldy.  TSA agent, “Sir, can I get your autograph?”  Baldy, “Sure, you gotta pen?”  Me (in my head), “Seriously??  I’m barefoot.  On an airport floor.  Don’t these people know how I feel about germs?  Who is this guy?  He certainly can’t be important enough for me to stand here on millions of people’s germs!  I think I’m gonna start screaming if someone doesn’t turn that machine back on and get my shoes to me!!”

Shoes on, bags in hand, I approach my gate to a sign that says, “Delayed” and what appears to be Baldy’s entourage and band.  Great.  Just great.  After watching several people ask for photos and autographs I started doing a little stealth photography and sending the pictures to my kids in an attempt to find out who the heck I needed to blame for the fungi I was certain would be growing on my feet by morning.  Before they could respond, I spotted the anger-inducing TSA agent running towards me.  Without much concern for the mission she was on, I stepped in front of her and asked, “Who was that guy that you asked for his signature?  You know?  The one that was so important you had to turn off the x-ray machine while my shoes were still inside of it?”  With a look of disgust over my lack of pop-culture knowledge, she responded, “That was Chris Daughtry!  You know?  The American idol?”  Well, duh.  Why wouldn’t I recognize him?  Age?  Amnesia?  Idiocy?

Anyway…  I boarded the plane and got a picture.

Got home Monday night.

Attended memorial service Tuesday night (after near-death experience en-route to our church).

Spent Wednesday on the phone trying to find a bed for MawMaw in an acute care facility (and realized that my WBS would happen on Good Friday ~ the name of the book I’ve avoided publishing for quite some time).  Hmmm…..

Arrived in New York City on Thursday and spent that entire day on the phone while MawMaw was being transferred from Christus St. Patrick’s Hospital in Lake Charles, LA to Promise Hospital in Baton Rouge.

Avoided iodine during my NYC visit.  I would love to say that I had some great alone-time with my oldest daughter, but the truth is that she had a great time with her boyfriend and I had a great time getting to know his Mom.  The joy of parenting teenagers.  Sigh…  I did manage to get one picture with her though…

And… capture just how beautiful she is….

Arrived home and remembered that I had planned nothing for Sofija’s birthday (She turned seven on April 3rd).  Oops!

Which brings me to this week.  Holy Week.  The week when all significant healing moments in my life seem to take place.  Cause God’s just cool like that.

On Monday and Tuesday I traveled to the new Walter Reed Hospital in Bethesda, MD to receive thyrogen injections.  Thyrogen is this nifty drug that raises a person’s TSH (thyroid stimulating hormone) in just 48 hours.  The alternative is to quit taking synthroid for six weeks and let your TSH rise VERY slowly.  Whether the process is done in 48 hours or over a period of six weeks, thyroid cancer patients refer to the experience as “Hypo Hell”.  Trust me.  It’s as close to hell as this girl ever wants to get.  A normal TSH should be somewhere between .5 and 4.5.  For someone who’s had thyroid cancer, doctors usually try to keep it somewhere between .1 and .5.  When it gets above 1, there is an increased risk of regrowth of cancer cells.  Between August of 2011 and February 2012, mine crept up from .3 to 1.3 to 1.8 and then to 2.8.  Hence my current state of Hypo Hell.

After Monday’s injection we had a cookout for Sofija’s birthday.  Her birthday was actually on Tuesday and I can’t really tell you why we decided to celebrate a day early, but I am extremely grateful that we got it done and over with.  By the time I got home from Tuesday’s injection I was barely functioning.

On Wednesday I traveled once again to Bethesda.  This time I took a nifty little pill of radioactive iodine.  All that purging of iodine was just for this.  Thyroid tissue is the only tissue in your body that readily absorbs iodine.  So, if you take a pill of radiated iodine after your body is starved for iodine, any thyroid tissue in your body will soak it up and glow when they do a whole body scan two days later.  There’s your science lesson for today.

Oh… just in case you’re wondering, my TSH was 88 just before I took that dandy pill.  For my number-obsessed self, it’s absolutely perfect.  My body aches, hot flashes, and constant headache aren’t exactly pleasant, but hey.  It’s Hypo Hell.

Today is Maunday Thursday.  It’s the day of the seder.  Seder means order.  I can’t help but look back over the last few months and see the divine order of my days.  God always knows.  He always has a plan.  Tonight my family will consume (an iodine free) seder meal.  Tomorrow, I get to spend an hour in a machine that will prove that I am STILL in perfect health.  At least that’s what I am going to keep telling myself.  After all… would God really orchestrate all this to land on Good Friday without divine purpose?  I think not.

Psalm 119:133 Order my steps by Your word,
And let no iniquity have dominion over me.

AMEN!!

Just in case you’re wondering.  Daughtry didn’t leave any fungi in the body scanner.  My feet are doing just fine ;).

I promise I haven’t forgotten about giving you a few ideas on how to make a difference. I’ve just been consumed for the past couple of days with raw sewage in our basement. At the moment, all I have to share is a bunch if yuck. It’s a little overwhelming for this neurotic germaphobe.
Prayers appreciated!

Hey, Y’all.

I’ve missed ya!  A while back I wrote a post called killing babies.  I ask that you read it again and share it with anyone you think may need to read it.  Heck, share it with everyone you know.  And then check back tomorrow for ideas on making a difference.

On Friday night MawMaw asked me to read the Bible until she fell asleep.  I opened (okay, actually scrolled on my phone) to Romans 8.  It’s good stuff!  If you haven’t read it lately (or at all), take a seat and enjoy!

Romans 8 NLT

Life in the Spirit

 ¹ So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus. ² And because you belong to him, the power of the life-giving Spirit has freed you from the power of sin that leads to death. ³ The law of Moses was unable to save us because of the weakness of our sinful nature. So God did what the law could not do. He sent his own Son in a body like the bodies we sinners have. And in that body God declared an end to sin’s control over us by giving his Son as a sacrifice for our sins. ⁴He did this so that the just requirement of the law would be fully satisfied for us, who no longer follow our sinful nature but instead follow the Spirit.

 ⁵ Those who are dominated by the sinful nature think about sinful things, but those who are controlled by the Holy Spirit think about things that please the Spirit. ⁶ So letting your sinful nature control your mind leads to death. But letting the Spirit control your mind leads to life and peace. ⁷ For the sinful nature is always hostile to God. It never did obey God’s laws, and it never will. ⁸ That’s why those who are still under the control of their sinful nature can never please God.

 ⁹ But you are not controlled by your sinful nature. You are controlled by the Spirit if you have the Spirit of God living in you. (And remember that those who do not have the Spirit of Christ living in them do not belong to him at all.) ¹⁰ And Christ lives within you, so even though your body will die because of sin, the Spirit gives you life because you have been made right with God. ¹¹ The Spirit of God, who raised Jesus from the dead, lives in you. And just as God raised Christ Jesus from the dead, he will give life to your mortal bodies by this same Spirit living within you.

 ¹² Therefore, dear brothers and sisters, you have no obligation to do what your sinful nature urges you to do. ¹³ For if you live by its dictates, you will die. But if through the power of the Spirit you put to death the deeds of your sinful nature, you will live. ¹⁴ For all who are led by the Spirit of God are children of God.

 ¹⁵ So you have not received a spirit that makes you fearful slaves. Instead, you received God’s Spirit when he adopted you as his own children. Now we call him, “Abba, Father.” ¹⁶ For his Spirit joins with our spirit to affirm that we are God’s children. ¹⁷ And since we are his children, we are his heirs. In fact, together with Christ we are heirs of God’s glory. But if we are to share his glory, we must also share his suffering.

The Future Glory

 ¹⁸ Yet what we suffer now is nothing compared to the glory he will reveal to us later. ¹⁹ For all creation is waiting eagerly for that future day when God will reveal who his children really are. ²⁰ Against its will, all creation was subjected to God’s curse. But with eager hope, ²¹ the creation looks forward to the day when it will join God’s children in glorious freedom from death and decay. ²² For we know that all creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. ²³ And we believers also groan, even though we have the Holy Spirit within us as a foretaste of future glory, for we long for our bodies to be released from sin and suffering. We, too, wait with eager hope for the day God will give us our full rights including the new bodies he has promised us. ²⁴ We were given this hope when we were saved. (If we already have something, we don’t need to hope for it. ²⁵But if we look forward to something we don’t yet have, we must wait patiently and confidently.)

 ²⁶ And the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For example, we don’t know what God wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words. ²⁷ And the Father who knows all hearts knows what the Spirit is saying, for the Spirit pleads for us believers in harmony with God’s own will. ²⁸ And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. ²⁹ For God knew his people in advance, and he chose them to become like his Son, so that his Son would be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters. ³⁰ And having chosen them, he called them to come to him. And having called them, he gave them right standing with himself. And having given them right standing, he gave them his glory.

Nothing Can Separate Us from God’s Love

 ³¹ What shall we say about such wonderful things as these? If God is for us, who can ever be against us? ³² Since he did not spare even his own Son but gave him up for us all, won’t he also give us everything else? ³³ Who dares accuse us whom God has chosen for his own? No one—for God himself has given us right standing with himself. ³⁴Who then will condemn us? No one—for Christ Jesus died for us and was raised to life for us, and he is sitting in the place of honor at God’s right hand, pleading for us.

 ³⁵ Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death? ³⁶ (As the Scriptures say, “For your sake we are killed every day; we are being slaughtered like sheep.”) ³⁷ No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us.

 ³⁸ And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. ³⁹ No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.

One week ago today I boarded a plane bound for Houston, Texas.  I arrived, rented a car, and drove to Lake Charles, Louisiana.  I thought I knew the purpose of my trip.  My grandmother (MawMaw) was sick and at a point where she could no longer care for herself or her husband.  I thought I was coming to make her see that she only had two options.  I was either going to pack her up to come live with me or she would have to go to an assisted living facility.  This woman has been my rock since the day I was born.  She doesn’t know how to love little.  I don’t want this post to turn into her obituary, but I want all of you to know that about her.  Her love and grace carry about as many conditions as the love and grace of Jesus Christ.

When I lost my Mom in 2006, my grandmother lost her only child.  Five months later she married an 86 year old man that had once been her neighbor and moved from Baton Rouge to Lake Charles (a 2 1/2 hour drive with good weather and no traffic).  The whole relationship seemed cute and romantic as long as nobody thought about who was going to take care of them when they could no longer take care of themselves.  Last Sunday, after two 911 calls in 24 hours, it was blatantly apparent that they had arrived at that point.  For several years, when questioned about various ailments she would say that she didn’t feel any worse than she should at 80 and that she wasn’t going to a doctor because doctors would just find something wrong with her.  After being admitted to the hospital last week, we discovered just how wise that declaration was….

After three days of pokes, prods, and scans, we now know that she is in the last stage of renal failure.  She has an aortic aneurysm.  Her heart is enlarged.  She has pneumonia (that IV antibiotics have not been able to clear).  Her thyroid has doubled the size of her neck and is filled with tumors.  She has gall-stones.  Oh… and she’s been a diabetic for several years.  I’m sure there is something I’ve forgotten, but I’ve honestly had a hard time keeping track of and processing each illness as it’s discovered.

In light of the fact that I’ve had about twelve hours of sleep in the last seven days, I keep finding joy (or at least humor) in the simplest of moments.  That is the purpose of this post.  I want to document and share the moments of the past week that have put a smile on my face.

~en-route to a ct scan, an aid asked MawMaw if she was cold.  Her reply…”I’m a Hot Mama!” (I TOTALLY agree :))

~Talking to Sofija last week I told her that I would be home on Sunday (I’ve had to change my travel plans).  Her reply, “I don’t like Sunday.  How about tomorrow?” It’s nice to be missed.

~Weak and in need of a shower, my sweet Christian grandmother said to me, “I’ve wiped your ass many of times.  It’s not gonna hurt you to clean mine today.” I was actually honored to make her feel clean and comfortable.

~MawMaw’s more than slightly confused husband (Jack) walked out of the hospital (without communicating with anyone that he was going to do so) and drove himself home one night.  The ten minute drive took him more than forty-five minutes.  When I finally reached him by phone, he says, “Is Pollyanna (MawMaw’s only blood relative in Lake Charles) still at the hospital?” Me…”Yes.”  Jack…”Tell her to be careful driving home.  If you go to far on Barton you run out of road.  But there’s enough room in the woods there to eventually turn your car around and get back out.”

~After being told that the levels of toxins in her bloodstream would have put any other person in a coma, I said to MawMaw, “Your mind is amazing!  The doctors said you should be in a coma, but you are so alert.”  She shrugged her shoulders, smiled, and said, “I have the mind the Christ.” Amen! Amen! Amen! 1 Corinthians 2:16…..”But we have the mind of Christ.”

~After telling me about his great day at school and how excited he is to have no homework on a Monday, Seth asks, “So, how’s it going with you and MawMaw?”  I replied, “My time with her has been amazing, but it’s also been sad.  I love the talks we’ve had and that I get to be with her, but it’s sad to see her looking very uncomfortable.  I just don’t want her to suffer.”  His response, “Don’t be sad.  God’s with her.  If she dies, It’s God’s will to take her home.  And if she doesn’t.  Well, It’ll be a miracle.”  Once again…. the “Make Mama Smile” award goes toooo……. Seffaroni!

I am writing another post on my journey, but I just read a great article on the cost of caring for children with special needs.  Yes, there is a cost.  And we can choose to pay it now or pay it later.

Sitting in the Charlotte airport enroute to Houston with a dozen blogpost swirling through my mind. Oh, the things you can witness in an airport bathroom…..
As I touched up my lipstick with a beautiful young girl to my right wearing a “Miss New Hampshire” sash, I overheard the following conversation…. “She asked if she could brush my hair this morning. pause. Yeah. I know. Who could blame her? It’s so long and perfect and I’m sure she ain’t never seen such a beautiful head of hair. pause. Well I gotta go. I need to bleach my teeth before I get on the plane and they’re boarding already.”
State of New Hampshire, you can relax. The vain comments did not come from the beautiful young girl representing your state. They came from the FIFTY-SOMETHING woman standing to my left. Seriously, Lady?
My bathroom experience came after the 1st leg of my flight. When I booked my ticket last night I had the option to choose my seats. For every leg except the 1st the cost of a window seat was $30+. For the 1st leg it was only $15. And…. It just so happened that 8f was open. My affinity for the number 8 (and a bargain) jumped on that seat. When I boarded the plane I found a “mature” woman “of stature” seated in 8f. Me…”8f is my seat. Mature lady…”This is 8d.” Me…”No. 8d is an aisle seat. 8f is the window.” Mature lady…”Honey, you’ll be just fine sitting on the aisle.” Seriously, Lady? Because I know I’m accountable for “respecting my elders”, I very respectfully said, “Ma’am, I paid extra to sit by the window. I’d really appreciate the opportunity to sit in the seat I paid for.”
And then… 10 minutes after takeoff… The gallon of water I drank this morning decided it was time to exit the building. Hence the bathroom break and lipstick application between Miss New Hampshire and Ms. Perfect Hair & Glowing Teeth.
Can’t wait to see what entertainment I have left to experience today!
Side-note…. I’m traveling to see my sick grandmother (MawMaw). I have a suspicion this week will be filled with rich experiences. Prayers for God’s hand to be experienced in every moment are appreciated.

I just looked over and saw this book sitting next to me.  It just happens to be one of my very favorite books in the whole world.  Dr. Seuss’ last work was unquestionably his greatest.  If you disagree with me you just need to keep that opinion to yourself.

So I looked at the book and quickly remembered why it was off the shelf.  Seth came home today and said, “Hey, Mom.  You know how great Oh, the Places You’ll Go is?  Wellll….my teacher told me to write two alternate endings for a book and I told her that I choose Oh, the Places You’ll Go.  Isn’t that a great idea?!?!”  I was in the middle of cooking dinner, Sofija was in the middle of therapy, and dear hubby’s frustrated voice was coming through the phone lodged between my shoulder and ear because I couldn’t remember what type of dog food I switched to last month.  I’m sure I responded with something like, “Yes, Seth.  That’s brilliant!  I can’t wait to read it.”  So now, at 11pm I began to wonder how on earth anyone could write one alternate ending to the best motivational book ever written.  Let alone two.

You know what happens when you constantly quote scripture to your kids?  They start believing it.  Mark 9:23 “What do you mean, ‘If I can’?” Jesus asked. “Anything is possible if a person believes.”  Armed with the knowledge that he can do anything, Seth did it.  He managed to completely change the context of the book.  Whether you skip to the alternate endings or read all the way through, be prepared.  My boy is brilliant!

Oh, the Places You’ll Go!

by

Dr. Seuss

Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You’re off to Great Places!
You’re off and away!

You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself
any direction you choose.
You’re on your own. And you know what you know.
And YOU are the guy who’ll decide where to go.

You’ll look up and down streets. Look ’em over with care.
About some you will say, “I don’t choose to go there.”
With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet,
you’re too smart to go down any not-so-good street.

And you may not find any
you’ll want to go down.
In that case, of course,
you’ll head straight out of town.

It’s opener there
in the wide open air.

Out there things can happen
and frequently do
to people as brainy
and footsy as you.

And then things start to happen,
don’t worry. Don’t stew.
Just go right along.
You’ll start happening too.

OH!
THE PLACES YOU’LL GO!

You’ll be on y our way up!
You’ll be seeing great sights!
You’ll join the high fliers
who soar to high heights.

You won’t lag behind, because you’ll have the speed.
You’ll pass the whole gang and you’ll soon take the lead.
Wherever you fly, you’ll be best of the best.
Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.

Except when you don’t.
Because, sometimes, you won’t.

I’m sorry to say so
but, sadly, it’s true
that Bang-ups
and Hang-ups
can happen to you.

You can get all hung up
in a prickle-ly perch.
And your gang will fly on.
You’ll be left in a Lurch.

You’ll come down from the Lurch
with an unpleasant bump.
And the chances are, then,
that you’ll be in a Slump.

And when you’re in a Slump,
you’re not in for much fun.
Un-slumping yourself
is not easily done.

You will come to a place where the streets are not marked.
Some windows are lighted. But mostly they’re darked.
A place you could sprain both your elbow and chin!
Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in?
How much can you lose? How much can you win?

And IF you go in, should you turn left or right…
or right-and-three-quarters? Or, maybe, not quite?
Or go around back and sneak in from behind?
Simple it’s not, I’m afraid you will find,
for a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind.

You can get so confused
that you’ll start in to race
down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace
and grind on for miles cross weirdish wild space,
headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.
The Waiting Place…

…for people just waiting.
Waiting for a train to go
or a bus to come, or a plane to go
or the mail to come, or the rain to go
or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow
or the waiting around for a Yes or No
or waiting for their hair to grow.
Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite
or waiting for the wind to fly a kite
or waiting around for Friday night
or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake
or a pot to boil, or a Better Break
or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants
or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.
Everyone is just waiting.

NO!
That’s not for you!

Somehow you’ll escape
all that waiting and staying
You’ll find the bright places
where Boom Bands are playing.

With banner flip-flapping,
once more you’ll ride high!
Ready for anything under the sky.
Ready because you’re that kind of a guy!

Oh, the places you’ll go! There is fun to be done!
There are points to be scored. There are games to be won.
And the magical things you can do with that ball
will make you the winning-est winner of all.
Fame! You’ll be as famous as famous can be,
with the whole wide world watching you win on TV.

Except when they don’t
Because, sometimes they won’t.

I’m afraid that some times
you’ll play lonely games too.
Games you can’t win
’cause you’ll play against you.

All Alone!
Whether you like it or not,
Alone will be something
you’ll be quite a lot.

And when you’re alone, there’s a very good chance
you’ll meet things that scare you right out of your pants.
There are some, down the road between hither and yon,
that can scare you so much you won’t want to go on.

But on you will go
though the weather be foul.
On you will go
though your enemies prowl.
On you will go
though the Hakken-Kraks howl.
Onward up many
a frightening creek,
though your arms may get sore
and your sneakers may leak.

On and on you will hike,
And I know you’ll hike far
and face up to your problems
whatever they are.

You’ll get mixed up, of course,
as you already know.
You’ll get mixed up
with many strange birds as you go.
So be sure when you step.
Step with care and great tact
and remember that Life’s
a Great Balancing Act.
Just never foget to be dexterous and deft.
And never mix up your right foot with your left.

And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!
(98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed.)

KID, YOU’LL MOVE MOUNTAINS!

So…
be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray
or Mordecai Ali Van Allen O’Shea,
You’re off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting.
So…get on your way!

Alternate ending 1:

So….

You’ll disiper (disappear).  But you will disiper.  That’s why I am here.  And you’ll die at the end after years and years.

Alternate ending 2:

Drum roll please…..

The world will end.  Really, really soon, so you better find a bunker that has a little room.