Throughout history, white flags have been used to indicate surrender. Whether waved in battle, or referenced metaphorically in discussions, they represent an acceptance of a situation and a withdrawal from a losing situation. In Luke 22:42, in the garden of Gethsemane, as Jesus faced His crucifixion, He said, “Father, if it is your will, take this cup of suffering away from me. Not my will, but yours be done.” This piece is my white flag, my necessary surrender.

Five years ago, in the middle of a brutal divorce, where all of our finances had been moved and our personal and business accounts drained, I accepted an opportunity to be the COO of a startup. The job included a minimal salary, but I believed in the technology and the team. I believed in what we were doing enough to pour most of my savings into it, and when capital dried up continued to work for over a year with increased equity and no salary. During that year of no pay, my house and everything in it were destroyed by Hurricane Idalia. What savings I had left quickly dried up. The one startup had morphed into a group of startups and I was running operations for all of them. I approached our CEO in the fall of 2024 broke and burnt out. He offered to pay me an even smaller salary than I received in the beginning, I accepted, and last October the whole group of companies lost everything when our accounts were hacked during the government shutdown. I continued to work for a month with no pay as the companies went under.

I spent November – January applying for jobs and learning new skills. I started having interviews mid-January. All of the positions I interviewed for required regular travel or hybrid office hours. On January 21st my children’s father was hit by a truck while walking in a crosswalk. The following week Sofija’s caregiver accepted a great job and suddenly I was a full-time caregiver. Her Dad was able to resume 50/50 coparenting at the end of March, but in May began not showing up to get her on most of his scheduled weeks with her. For those of you who know her, you understand how heartbreaking it has been to watch her cry and try to express her hurt and disappointment over all the lost time with her “Tata”. He is tens of thousands delinquent on support and last week filed a motion to have her emancipated because he doesn’t want to support her anymore, A week before he filed the motion, he bought a house, My Mama always said, “If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all,” I don’t have much nice to say, so I’ll refrain from say much, Just keep my baby girl in your prayers. He’s mad at me for going after the delinquent support, and hurting her in retaliation is NOT okay, We took an oath to the Serbian government to provide for her for life. We took that same oath to the US State Department and USCIS to get her adoption visa and her US citizenship. We were granted full guardianship when she turned eighteen because she is not capable of living independently or making life decisions for herself. She is dependent on us for all of her needs. I do not think he will succeed at resigning as her guardian because it’s a violation of international and federal mandates that we swore to uphold, but it’s beyond disappointing and devastating that he wants to. So yeah… pray for my baby girl’s heart.

I continued to apply for jobs throughout February and March, while Sof was with me full-time, but the pool of positions I could apply for, with confidence that I could perform while being home full-time, has been limited. I try to be a realist, which means I’ve tried to accept that my chances of getting hired for another full-time executive position are miniscule. So… I’ve used the skills I’ve been learning and began creating new things. I’ve built SAAS for marketing agencies (that AI made obsolete in sixty days). I created an app to stop spam/scam calls that is still available in the app stores, but the major carriers made it obsolete within six weeks. I’ve built trading bots, published a puzzle book, created and published a reggae song about Florida Man/Woman stories on all the music stores, created a memoir writing app (that I will finish and release when I have the resources), started a new LLC (Fern Foundry Systems) and designed an additive manufacturing method for chip fabrication, wrote and submitted several grant applications to DARPA and various accelerators for that LLC (I successfully made it to the final round, but need a proof of concept to proceed), pitched FFS and my bamboo lumber LLC (BamBougie) to countless investors, built a platform and submitted a proposal to USCG, spent six weeks working for promised equity in a company that had legitimate, very useful technology, only to learn that they had sold their IP last year, and I’m sure there are a few other things I’ve built, designed, or developed that I’ve forgotten about. Amongst all of my creating, I’ve continued to tailor and ATS optimize my resume to apply for dozens of jobs every week. I’ve also refined my consulting packet and begun actively marketing my consulting services to startups and inventors in need of a fractional COO, operations/business development strategies, or taking ideas to production and establishing manufacturing. I’m your idea-exit girl! Oh! I’m also preparing a course for other women to navigate the family law system as self-litigants.

This piece started with my white flag of surrender. I’m at the end of my will and resources and I’m beyond exhausted trying to figure out what God’s plan is. I surrender.

Surprisingly, there are still a couple hundred people who read this blog. Thank you!! Please message me if you’d like my consulting packet, or resume, or your interested in being a part of Fern Foundry Systems or BamBougie, or you ( or someone you know) needs coaching services to navigate representing yourself in the legal system. I’m not a lawyer, but I’m a great strategist, researcher, and cheerleader. And as always, I appreciate your prayers and have endless gratitude for those who’ve continued to be a source of encouragement. This too shall pass. I’ve survived every difficult season of life thus far. The sun/Son also rises. Not my will, but His be done,,,