This is a hard post to write, but I need to get the clutter out of my brain and this just happens to be the place to do it.
Today I sent a message to the amazing woman in Serbia who is facilitating our adoption and asked her about the foster family that is currently caring for Ana-Sophia. I wanted to see if they know about our family and I was curious if I would have any contact with them before we actually arrive in country. I blogged a while back about the institutions in Serbia. The Serbian government is doing their best to increase the number of foster homes in the country in order to reduce the number of children who are living in institutions. For reasons that I can’t quite grasp, those foster families are not allowed to adopt the children that they love and care for. The facilitator has told us that we will be the first family to adopt a child that has been placed in a foster home. The whole scenario has given me very mixed emotions.
When we first committed to the adoption, we learned that Ana-Sophia’s birth mother was mentally disabled and was unable to care for her. My feelings regarding this woman who gave her life have ranged from anger to walking through grace and eventually finding myself humbly grateful and somewhat saddened for her loss.
My feelings toward the foster family have been different. While I have been immeasurably thankful for the fact that they are caring for her, I have also dealt with some pretty strong fears about the environment they are providing and about how they may be treating her now that they have the knowledge that she is being adopted.
Before I write about today, I have to say that I have ALWAYS said that I could not be a foster parent because I could not deal with the loss. I just don’t think I’m capable of loving a child as my own with the knowledge in the back of my head that the child could be taken at any moment.
So today I asked about the foster family. I wanted to know how they felt about the adoption and my prayer from the beginning of the process has been that we have contact with them.
From our facilitator:
“Yes, Sophia’s foster family knows that she is being adopted.And,no,no personal contacts with the foster family are allowed.Actually,the foster family won’t be happy because of Sophia’s adoption,but they are good people,and I’m SURE they won’t make any trouble during your contacts with this little girl.I talked to them earlier,and they don’t think Sophia should be adopted at all yet. They love her dearly.”
So here I am, the person doing the taking. This family is experiencing the same exact pain that I have always chosen to avoid. I am so extremely thankful for the fact that they love my child. But, at this very moment my heart is breaking for them. The day we actually take Ana-Sophia from their home will be a hard one.
5 thoughts on “foster family”
I feel the same way about being a foster mother, it would be hard. God knows His plan for doing things…we may not understand, and that is okay. We can pray for that family and the loss that they will feel!!!!! …but God chose YOU for her family! And that is wonderful! Rejoice and be glad! 🙂
Aww, such a catch 22 situation. 😦
Thank you SO much for your sweet comment! Oh man, I would SO come visit. Autism is my life and I’d love to meet your beautiful babies.
It will be heartbreaking the day you take Ana, but at the same time it’ll be a wonderful day, the day she becomes your daughter. I think you and her foster mom will cry together and hug, but in the end you know that you will be able to give her a wonderful life, full of love and you will help her thrive. and how blessed is she to have a family there who is loving on her and helping her grow until you are able to go get her. I hope the foster family will realize this is the best for Ana and that you will be able to keep in touch via email or letters so they can watch her grow!
Can I play devil’s advocate for a second? Serbia would much prefer if it’s own citizens adopt the orphans. Why did they not pursue adopting Ana-Sophia? I will give them the benefit of the doubt that they really love her but if they can’t provide her a forever home, why won’t they be happy when she does find one?
I wondered all the same things and so I asked. The foster families in Serbia are not allowed to adopt the children. I’ve done quite a bit of research on the foster care system. The ministry is spending money trying to grow the foster care system in order to get children out of institutions. The hope is that the children will eventually be adopted and the foster care families will be able to open their home to other children. We will be the first international family to adopt from the system.