This is a hard post to write, but I need to get the clutter out of my brain and this just happens to be the place to do it.
Today I sent a message to the amazing woman in Serbia who is facilitating our adoption and asked her about the foster family that is currently caring for Ana-Sophia. I wanted to see if they know about our family and I was curious if I would have any contact with them before we actually arrive in country. I blogged a while back about the institutions in Serbia. The Serbian government is doing their best to increase the number of foster homes in the country in order to reduce the number of children who are living in institutions. For reasons that I can’t quite grasp, those foster families are not allowed to adopt the children that they love and care for. The facilitator has told us that we will be the first family to adopt a child that has been placed in a foster home. The whole scenario has given me very mixed emotions.
When we first committed to the adoption, we learned that Ana-Sophia’s birth mother was mentally disabled and was unable to care for her. My feelings regarding this woman who gave her life have ranged from anger to walking through grace and eventually finding myself humbly grateful and somewhat saddened for her loss.
My feelings toward the foster family have been different. While I have been immeasurably thankful for the fact that they are caring for her, I have also dealt with some pretty strong fears about the environment they are providing and about how they may be treating her now that they have the knowledge that she is being adopted.
Before I write about today, I have to say that I have ALWAYS said that I could not be a foster parent because I could not deal with the loss. I just don’t think I’m capable of loving a child as my own with the knowledge in the back of my head that the child could be taken at any moment.
So today I asked about the foster family. I wanted to know how they felt about the adoption and my prayer from the beginning of the process has been that we have contact with them.
From our facilitator:
“Yes, Sophia’s foster family knows that she is being adopted.And,no,no personal contacts with the foster family are allowed.Actually,the foster family won’t be happy because of Sophia’s adoption,but they are good people,and I’m SURE they won’t make any trouble during your contacts with this little girl.I talked to them earlier,and they don’t think Sophia should be adopted at all yet. They love her dearly.”
So here I am, the person doing the taking. This family is experiencing the same exact pain that I have always chosen to avoid. I am so extremely thankful for the fact that they love my child. But, at this very moment my heart is breaking for them. The day we actually take Ana-Sophia from their home will be a hard one.