Luke 24 But on the first day of the week, at early dawn, the women went to the tomb bringing the spices which they had prepared [to finish anointing the body]. 2 And they found the [large, circular] stone rolled back from the tomb, 3 but when they went inside, they did not find the body of the Lord Jesus. 4 While they were perplexed and wondering about this, suddenly, two men in dazzling clothing stood near them; 5 and as the women were terrified and were bowing their faces to the ground, the men said to them, “Why are you looking for the living One among the dead? 6 He is not here, but has risen. Remember how He told you, while He was still in Galilee, 7 saying that the Son of Man must be handed over to sinful men, and be crucified, and on the third day rise [from death to life].”
Happy Resurrection Sunday! Jesus rose from the dead so that you and I could have a new life. The empty tomb gives us the hope of redemption, healing, freedom, provison, protection, resurrection, and eternal life. The only requirement from us is belief. If you need more evidence of Jesus’ life, death, and resurrection, I highly recommend listening to Jeremiah Johnston’s speech at Davos this year, or his interview this week (at least watch the last 15min) with Shawn Ryan. He provides mountains of historical and archaelogical evidence and points the viewer to all the places you need to look for verification.
In John 14 Thomas, one of the disciples, is questioning Jesus about how they (Jesus’ followers) will know the way to where Jesus is going. Jesus had just told them that He was about to be crucified, would and instructed them to love each other. Jesus responed to Thomas in verse 6 – “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one can come to the Father (God) except through me.” Earlier in John, Jesus was speaking to a crowd and answering questions about his identity. John 8:31 Jesus said to the people who believed in him, “You are truly my disciples if you remain faithful to my teachings. 32 And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”
I encourage you this Easter to seek truth. Whether you’re reading this on a phone or a laptop, you have access to the Bible, all the other religious texts, and millions of archaeological and historical documents. Search. Read. Compare.
Holy Week 2007, while undergoing testing that would lead to being diagnosed with cancer, I heard a sermon on Good Friday that forever changed the days leading up to the Resurrection for me. Then came Lenten Season 2026…
The entire world entered the Lenten season this year after two weeks of trying to digest the things we were reading in the January 30th Epstein files release. All of the conspiracies that got many of us labeled “delusional” in the last decade, are now known facts. What were once called, “conspiracy theories”, are now proven facts. Monsters are real. The fact that they not only continue to walk free, but hold power in all facets of society – Unjust.
On the first Holy Thursday, after the Last Supper, Jesus and the apostles went to the garden of Gethsemane (Luke 22:39-46). It was there that Judas arranged to have Him arrested (Luke 22:47-48). In a moment filled with tension and despair, Jesus experienced profound anguish as He prayed, knowing the trials that lay ahead. As the weight of humanity’s sins pressed down on Him, He sought solace from His disciples, yet found them unable to stay awake and support Him during such a pivotal time. Jesus began Good Friday having spent the night in prison and being mistreated by guards after being betrayed and abandoned by those closest to him (Mark 14:34). The betrayal by Judas not only marked a tragic turning point in the events leading to the crucifixion but also highlighted the stark contrast between loyalty and treachery among His followers. In the early hours of Good Friday, Pontius Pilate (the Roman Governor of Judea) and Herod (the client King of Galilee), each seeking to evade responsibility, sent Jesus back and forth to one another; the final decision on Jesus’ execution rested with Pilate. Pilate and Herod were political enemies who bonded over their collaboration to condemn Jesus. Joseph Caiaphas was the Jewish High Priest. He was a Sadduccee (the wealthy aristocracy), appointed to the political position of High Priest by the Roman Government, worked closely with Pilate, and oversaw the Sanhedrin (A council of 70 or 71 elders, scribes, and priests that functioned as the highest Jewish court). The Sanhedrin didn’t have the legal authority to condemn someone to death. They needed Pilate to do so, and thus they manipulated the political tensions of the time to ensure that the Roman governor would be compelled to pronounce the death sentence, fulfilling the prophecy while also reflecting the depth of human injustice.
1. Pilate knew Jesus was innocent.
“I find no fault in this man.” — Luke 23:4
He repeats this three times (Luke 23:4, 14, 22).
2. Pilate’s wife warned him.
“Have nothing to do with that righteous man, for I have suffered much because of him in a dream today.” — Matthew 27:19
That would’ve rattled any man.
3. Pilate actively tried to release Him.
“Pilate sought to release Him…” — John 19:12
That’s as blunt as it gets. He wanted to let Jesus go.
4. He offered the crowd a way out (Barabbas).
He picked the worst criminal available thinking the people would obviously choose Jesus. They didn’t.
5. He tried to satisfy the crowd with a beating instead of execution.
“So then Pilate took Jesus and had Him flogged.” — John 19:1 This was a political move—he hoped the crowd would be satisfied and he could release Him.
6. He ultimately feared the crowd and Rome more than doing what was right.
The Jewish leaders said:
“If you release this man, you are no friend of Caesar.” — John 19:12 That was a political threat. Pilate folded.
7. He washed his hands to show he didn’t want His blood.
“I am innocent of this man’s blood.” — Matthew 27:24
That’s the move of a man who wants out but has no backbone left.
Ten days into 2026 Lent, we went to war with Iran. I want this to be an essay and not a novel, so I won’t delve into all the reasons this war is unjust. But it’s unjust. And before anyone jumps into my comments stating all the reasons Iran needs a regime change, I don’t want to hear it. War destroyed my family. War turned what had been a home filled with joy and peace into a breeding ground for trauma. Unless you can justify the amount of death and destruction American military families have dealt with fighting foreign wars, please keep your opinions to yourself. I’m not Pilate. You will not change my mind.
The first time my ex-husband disappeared and turned his phone off was 12 years ago. After he retired from the military and we moved to Florida in 2016, it became a regular occurrence. Somewhere in those years I began a practice of saying, “Thank you God, for shining light in the dark” before my feet hit the floor each morning. Some days it’s followed up with things like, “Expose it ALL!”, “Expose THEM all!”, or “Hold me if what’s hidden is going to hurt!”, but the intent of my little morning prayer is always the same… Let there be light!
Almost every Lenten season in the last fifteen years, there has been a repentance and forgiveness box in my house that gets burned between Good Friday and Resurrection Sunday. This year, right next to it is my little sign that says, “God Keeps His Promises”. He does, but with the state of the world I need to be reminded daily.
Everything in our reality is currently chaotic. AI has made it impossible to know what is true and what is generated. Algorithms feed everyone a confirmation bias that divide us with every glance at a screen. The sun has been throwing a tantrum for the last year and the radiation it keeps shooting at the planet is causing earthquakes an dormant volcanoes to wake up with a vengeance. Our magnetic poles can’t decide where they’re supposed to be. Comets and meteors keep showing up in our galaxy and getting a little too close for comfort. There are things showing up in the skies around the world that shouldn’t be there. Documents on all the ways our government has experimented on and manipulated our nation have been declassified. And then there are wars, and rumors of wars… In the 30 days between the Israel/US attack on Iran, and 2026 Palm Sunday, the amount of light that’s shone in the darkness has been hard to keep up with or process. We have access to more information than any human could digest in a lifetime and all of it makes your head spin trying to figure out who is fighting on the side of good and who is fighting on the side of evil. Everywhere I go, I see people who are struggling to wrap their heads around it all. My heart aches for each and every person who is just now seeing the crazy matrix we live in. The only consolation is that there is a reliable source of comfort in the chaos. That source of comfort is this -All that is being revealed is indisputable evidence that God does indeed keep his promises. He said that nothing would be hidden and that He would expose EVERYTHING. (Luke 8:17, Mark 4:22) (Luke 12:2-4) (Job 12:22, Daniel 2:22) (John 1:5) (1 Corinthians 4:5) (Ephesians 5:11-14)
The barrage of light shining in the darkness has led to one extraordinary Holy Week. Most conversations I’ve had this week have been filled with stories of breakthrough, healing, both painful and encouraging revelations, deep loss, and monumental gain. Friends, family, world events, neighborhood chatter – nothing about this week has been ordinary. In our house, Holy Week started a day early. On March 28th, my baby girl (who’d been happy all day) burst into tears and said that she was “so sad” and that she “wouldn’t see Gumbo the dog anymore because he died”. I texted my son who was at his Dad’s with Gumbo and asked if Gumbo was okay. He looked for Gumbo and found that he’d drowned in the pool. Gumbo would’ve been 18 on June 1st and he’s been with us since he was 5 weeks old. He was dearly loved! It broke my heart that my son had to find him and I didn’t want him to be alone all weekend, so Sof and I got ready to make the 45min drive to be with him. My ex sent several messages stating that I was not allowed at his house unless he was home. When I asked our oldest son if he would go be with his brother, I learned that my ex had portrayed himself as a victim to our oldest kiddos after his wages were garnished several months ago because he was many thousands of dollars in arrears on support. I never said anything to any of them. Their parents’ finances and court orders are not things I ever wanted my kids to even think about. But this is the cost of war. It’s unjust! I drop more post-its in the forgiveness and repentance box and glance at my little sign. Comfort. God keeps his promises.
Sweet Gumbo
Palm Sunday was spent with Dr. Steven Greer. That’s an essay in itself. Monday through Thursday were filled with long-awaited business opportunities (I’ve been un/self-employed for six months), extraordinary moments and sunsets with people I love dearly, and clarity on my next steps. Extraordinary. Holy.
And then came Good Friday. This the day we reflect on Jesus’ crucifixion. It’s also the day my baby girl turned 21. TWENTY-ONE!! Unless she lives to be 100, there are only two times in her life that her birthday will fall on Good Friday. What a year to have a birthday on the day that gives every promise of hope, healing, restoration, grace, redemption, and resurrection! This is only the third week she’s been able to spend with her dad this year. He sent a message saying that I could come over while he was out for a couple of hours, but after the directives a few days ago to not be at his house when he’s not there, it felt like a trap. Our daughter was threatened with trespassing charges a couple months ago, so yeah… We’ll wait and have a Resurrection/21st birthday party on Sunday. Considering that Jesus’ crucifixion is estimated to have taken place on April 3rd, it actually seems quite fitting and just to celebrate her April 3rd birthday on the third day.
This week of high-highs, low-lows, mind-boggling global events, and hundreds of post-its dropped in my forgiveness box, has led me to study and think deeply about the very first Holy Week. In the hours leading up to the Crucifixion, Jesus’ experienced more betrayal, abuse, vulnerability, doubt, and pain than most of us can imagine experiencing in a lifetime. It was all necessary, but it was so damn brutal and it was extraordinarily unjust.
One of the first verses I ever memorized was John 3:16 – For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.
“For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.”Romans 3:23
“For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.”Romans 6:23
“but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”Romans 5:8
“if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.” Romans 10:9
With all that has been hidden coming into the light, there is so much to break down and analyze about every single detail of history that has led the human race to this place and time. There is still so much that’s unknown and every truth revealed leads to a dozen more questions about what hasn’t. I don’t know about you, but right now I hunger for absolute truths and some-semblance of certainty more than any other time in my life. No matter what I learn, what makes sense in this world, or what doesnt, God has proven to me that He is true to His Word. I was miraculously healed from the cancer I was diagnosed with in 2007. All of my needs have always been met. He’s given me peace that surpasses all understanding, made a way in the wilderness, shown me my path, parted seas, closed and opened doors to protect me from myself, exposed SO much that was hidden, and proven time and time again that His justice surpasses man’s. Those verses above are not just filler. They are the closest thing I’ve found to absolute truth and certainty. Historical and archeological evidence have proven that Jesus’ life, death, and resurrection, fulfilled over 300 prophecies and an estimated 150 Biblical prophecies have been fulfilled in just the last few years. What has been proven historically, and the things He’s done for me personally, are the truth and certainty that satisfy my hunger.
The hope to get through the extraordinarily brutal and chaotic time we’re living in is really as simple as the path laid out in the verses above.
Do your own research into historical prophecies and fulfillment. Reflect on what you are grateful for and what is true. Once you believe, say it to someone. Those are really the only requirements, but if you want all the good stuff that comes with believing, the gifts do have some strings attached.
Galatians 5:1 Christ set us free so that we could enjoy freedom! So stand firm, and don’t get tied down again by the chains of slavery.
Repentance equals freedom and it literally means, “To turn away from”. Repent. Truly repent. Find a quiet place where you can be alone with God and lay it all out to Him. Write it down and then burn it or shred it if you need to. Make your own box to burn if you need to. Accept that God’s grace covers your messes and let it go. Fake repentace will never lead you to the freedom that was promised you. True repentance leads to freedom.
Forgive. Repentance and forgiveness go hand in hand. Yes, I know forgiveness is HARD. I’ve dropped hundreds of post-its into my forgiveness and repentance box in the last few weeks that all start with, “I forgive him for…”. It seems like every time I feel like I’ve finally forgiven and let go of one painful thing, there’s something new to lay down. So I start forgiving again. Side bar about forgiveness – one of my hardest life lessons has been accepting that no matter how many times in life I take responsibility for my crap and apologize to people, I may never get an apology from the people who’ve hurt me. Yes, the absence of remorse and apologies is unjust. I choose to forgive them anyway. Forgiveness sets me free. I give grace because I need grace. We all do. Vengeance is God’s. Let Him take care of them. He was gracious enough to allow His Son to take on the weight of the world so that we don’t have to carry all the things that others do to us. Lay it down. Forgive them.
Jesus’ Crucifixion involved severe torture, including a brutal scourging, being nailed through the wrists and feet to a wooden cross, and being forced to carry the weight of that cross on his back to the site where He knew He would be murdered. He hung there naked, bleeding, in agony, being ridiculed and scoffed at. He was crucified between two thieves, endured mockings, suffered asphyxiation after his lungs were pierced. As he hung there watching bystanders bidding on his clothes that had been torn off, he said, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” (Luke 23:34) One of the thieves hanging next to Him confessed that he was a criminal that deserved to die. He then said that Jesus was an innocent man an asked to be remembered in Jesus’ kingdom. Jesus’ reply was breathtakingly beautiful – “Truly I say to you, today you will be with me in Paradise.” (Luke 23:40-43) In the last hour of His life, Jesus cried out to God from the cross, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken (abandoned) me in my time of need?” (Matthew 27:46) died after roughly six hours on what is calculated to have been Friday, April 3, 33 AD. Jesus was beaten, tortured, mocked, exposed, demoralized, insulted, abused, and felt abandoned. He showed us with the thief hanging next to Him that it’s never too late to believe. The thief had no time left to change his life. He gave him grace anyway. He forgave his murderers who continued to torment him until the very end. He asked God to forgive the crowd as they cheered for his death. He felt abandoned, but until His last breath still acknowledged God as His Father. He showed us that there is no wrong too big to be forgiven, and that repentance and belief in Him are ours for the taking until our last breath. He modeled that our identity as children of God is absolute, no matter how beaten down, exposed, or tattered our souls are. His last words were, “Father, into your hands I entrust my spirit.” (Luke 23:46) He did it all so that we don’t have to carry the weight of all the ugliness of this world on our shoulders. How beautifully unjust!
Most historians believe that around three hundred years before the birth of Jesus Christ, in Isaiah 53, it was prophesied…
Who has believed our message? To whom has the Lord revealed his powerful arm? 2 My servant grew up in the Lord’s presence like a tender green shoot, like a root in dry ground. There was nothing beautiful or majestic about his appearance, nothing to attract us to him. 3 He was despised and rejected— a man of sorrows, acquainted with deepest grief. We turned our backs on him and looked the other way. He was despised, and we did not care.
4 Yet it was our weaknesses he carried; it was our sorrows that weighed him down. And we thought his troubles were a punishment from God, a punishment for his own sins! 5 But he was pierced for OUR rebellion, crushed for OUR sins. He was beaten so WE (YOU and I) could be whole. He was whipped so WE could be healed. 6 ALL OF US, like sheep, have strayed away. We have left God’s paths to follow our own. Yet the Lord laid on him the sins of us all.
7 He was oppressed and treated harshly, yet he never said a word. He was led like a lamb to the slaughter. And as a sheep is silent before the shearers, he did not open his mouth. 8 Unjustly condemned, he was led away. No one cared that he died without descendants, that his life was cut short in midstream.[c But he was struck down for the rebellion of my people. 9 He had done no wrong and had never deceived anyone. But he was buried like a criminal; he was put in a rich man’s grave.
10 But it was the Lord’s good plan to crush him and cause him grief. Yet when his life is made an offering for sin, he will have many descendants. He will enjoy a long life, and the Lord’s good plan will prosper in his hands. 11 When he sees all that is accomplished by his anguish, he will be satisfied. And because of his experience, my righteous servant will make it possible for many to be counted righteous, for he will bear ALL their sins. 12 I will give him the honors of a victorious soldier, because he exposed himself to death. He was counted among the rebels. He bore the sins of many and interceded for rebels.
If you read Matthew 27, Mark 15, Luke 23, and John 19, you see that every single detail of the prophesy was fulfilled in Jesus’ crucifixion. His death was horrible, and painful, and exposing. Although pictures of the crucifixion always have him wearing a loincloth, the Bible says that he was stripped of his clothes and Roman tradition was to crucify criminals naked. So, we know that our savior, the one who literally gave up everything, including his life; was beaten, abused, and died a brutal death, completely exposed and broken. That is what today is all about…
He did it all so that when we are experiencing brokenness, feeling exposed, abused, in pain, ashamed, sick, stuck, hopeless, in bondage, or anything other than complete wholeness and freedom; we can leave it ALL at the cross with him. Because on the third day… he rose from the dead, insuring that you and I do not have to carry ANY of the things that hurt or weigh us down in this life, but live eternally with him.
This Holy Week has been a beautiful, brutal reminder of the significance of this day and what’s to come on Sunday.
The entire world is unstable, in every possible way. I am reeling from the end of my marriage. I have spent the majority of this Holy Week alone in silence, with the exception of the hours I’ve spent face down on the floor crying out to God. When I couldn’t think of anything else to yell at talk to God about, I have given thanks for every single thing I can think of. In all the thanksgiving, I remembered that I was not only healed of cancer eleven years ago, but I was also completely healed of all the side effects of radiation that I was told would be life-long. In the process of healing me of cancer, God exposed layers and layers of wounds that were keeping me from living fully in all of His promises, poured out the blood of Jesus on them, and healed my heart and soul. He has healed relationships that had little hope of restoration. He has healed pieces of my children that doctors said we needed to learn to live with. He has NEVER failed to provide for all of my needs. He has given me pure gold in my tribe of people. He equipped me with gifts, and talents, and intuition that have opened doors I could have never opened on my own. He allowed me to see a very large portion of this Earth before world travel became a thing of the past. And, two months away from turning fifty, I still have no gray hair. SO MUCH to be thankful for!
Also, I’ve given a lot of thanks this week for the fact that God has carried me through the most tumultuous storms of my life. In the moments where it was hard to breathe or stand on my own two feet, His love, grace, and strength quite literally carried me through.
As I wait for new life to be breathed into situations that feel a little hopeless and scary, I know that I know that I know that God will be faithful. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. What He has done in the past, He will do again. He heals. He sets captives free. He shines light in the darkness. He exposes evil and eradicates it. He restores. He redeems. He is love. He is grace. He is constant.
So hold on, let go, trust God. We’re all in this broken, painful Good Friday world together.
Tomorrow, March 30, 2018, is the beginning of the Jewish Passover. Passover is a celebration of freedom commemorating when God liberated the Jewish people from slavery. You can read all about the Passover in scripture HERE, but the gist of why it’s called “Passover” is that the Jewish people were to put the blood of a male goat or sheep around their door frames so that their homes would be “passed over” on the night that God delivered judgment on Egypt by killing the first-born child of each home. The homes covered by blood were protected from judgment.
I’m not so great at Bible timelines, but around thirteen hundred years after the Jewish people were freed from slavery, on the first day of Passover, Jesus had dinner with his disciples, washed their feet, and told them that one of them was about to betray him. On the Christian calendar, that last supper is commemorated today. So yeah, it’s a good day to wash someone’s feet. 😉 In the three days following that last meal, Jesus was betrayed, tortured, beaten, crucified, and on the third day arose from the dead. For those who believe that Jesus was crucified and resurrected so that we may have eternal life, our passover looks like a cross and an empty tomb. The blood of Jesus spares us from judgment.
I sat today and read the story of the crucifixion and I was brought to tears. I just kept thinking about God the Father witnessing his son being tortured and killed. He allowed the horrors of the crucifixion so that every human thereafter could live in the freedom of the resurrection. He watched and waited because he had complete faith in His ability to fulfill His promises. As a parent, I can’t even imagine.
At the moment, I have one prodigal child and one that has recently developed epilepsy. In both situations I’m having to make daily (sometimes minute by minute) choices. I get to choose fear, or I get to choose faith. In all the choosing I’m also doing a whole lot of seeking wisdom.
Parenting is hard, y’all. I firmly believe that the Bible is meant to be the guide book for everything in life. But guess what? Other than dishing out discipline and leaving them an inheritance, it doesn’t give many specifics when it comes to bringing up little humans. Wouldn’t you just love to know how Noah convinced his kids to get on the ark? We know they were there. But seriously… just getting my kids in the car for church is like herding cats. Or how God, knowing the pain and suffering Jesus would endure, didn’t interfere?
Because I already know that someone is going to comment with, “What about Proverbs 22:6?” I’d like to point out a few things about that verse. 1) It says, “Raise a child in the way they should go and WHEN THEY ARE OLD they will not depart from it. It doesn’t say a dang thing about when they’re young and stupid, and have an underdeveloped frontal lobe, and the inability to make rational decisions. 2) It’s REALLY vague. The writer makes the assumption that every reader actually knows “the way they should go”. Hello?? Have you met the human race? NONE of us have “the way” all figured out. 3) The very next verse says, “The rich rule over the poor and the borrower is slave to the lender.” So maybe, just maybe, that verse is actually referring to teaching our kids to work hard and stay out of debt.
Although it’s hard to find many intimate conversations or outtakes between parents and children in scripture, I have found one thing that is always consistent: when children are sick, struggling, or even dead, moms and dads always seek and cling to God on their children’s behalf. Biblical parents had crazy faith, y’all.
I believe that the only two tools our enemy needs to keep us from being in intimate relationship with God are isolation and distraction. Unfortunately, I think we’re living in a time when everyone is more isolated and distracted than at any other time in history. I’m pretty sure that my need for my laptop and phone have made my faith look ridiculous when compared to the mom in 2 Kings who literally held onto the feet of the prophet Elisha until he came back to her house to raise her son from the dead. I want that kind of faith.
Hebrews 11:1 Faith shows the reality of what we hope for; it is the evidence of things we cannot see.
Possibly the most detailed account of parenting in scripture isn’t something that actually happened. It’s a parable (a simple story used by Jesus to illustrate a spiritual lesson) about a prodigal son. I love the story for many reasons. First off, I’ve been a prodigal child. I’ve run from God, made some pretty awful choices, squandered things He’s given me, and come crawling back begging for grace. Every. Single. Time… God has wrapped his arms around me, celebrated me, and given me waaaaay more love and grace than I could ever possibly deserve. I also love it because the father in the story was there waiting and prepared to celebrate the son upon his return. He had a ring and a robe and new shoes and a fattened calf just waiting for the celebration of his son’s return. He had faith that his son WOULD return.
In 2010 our baby girl had an MRI that showed she had scarring in her temporal lobe. To be specific, she had extra tissue on her right hippocampus and right temporal horn. In that first year that she was ours she would frequently freeze. We, along with her pediatrician, had suspected that she was having seizures so we saw a neurologist that ordered the MRI and two EEGs. The first EEG showed some abnormal activity, but nothing significant. The second EEG also showed some slow/abnormal activity, but nothing significant. The freezing stopped and we just assumed it had been caused by her brain trying to process a whole new world of information.
Fast forward to two weeks ago… she climbed in bed next to me one morning and in the middle of rubbing my face and asking if she could have cake, she got a look of terror on her face, screamed, began smacking her lips and swallowing, and then couldn’t form words. It took two or three minutes for her to be able to speak. A few hours later, it happened again. The next day we saw it happen two more times. The day after that, it happened four times in three hours. On the third day I started recording what we were witnessing and sent it to her doctor. While waiting to hear from her doctor, Dr. Google quickly told me what is happening looks like temporal lobe seizures. Last week an EEG showed bilateral seizure activity in her temporal lobe. We’re still waiting to get in with a pediatric neurologist for an MRI to see if there is any change from what the 2010 MRI showed, which means she is not yet on anti-seizure medication. She’s still having several seizures every day and her mental and verbal processing is definitely “off”.
Let me tell you something. Watching your child go from doing complicated math to not being able to form words in a matter of seconds is NOT fun. It’s realllly hard to choose faith in those few minutes when I can’t reach her. It’s also realllly hard to choose faith in the moments when I can’t reach my prodigal.
But then I remember…. we’ve been passed over. This house and this family are covered by the blood and God ALWAYS fulfills His promises!
I hope you experience all that Resurrection Sunday has to offer. May your dreams be resurrected. May your faith be resurrected. May your joy. and hope, and relationships, and all the goodness that this world tries to steal be RESURRECTED. And may all the yuck pass you over.
If you’ve actually read all the way to the bottom, thank you. I forget that I even have this blog and I do appreciate those who haven’t given up on me as a writer.
I looked through old posts that I’ve written during Holy Week and found this one. The title is somewhat appropriate for my current season of life.
It’s Good Friday. It’s the day that Christians honor the excruciating sacrifice made on the path to the cross so that we can embrace all the goodness that came with the Resurrection.
Here’s the thing… When I wrote this post, I thought I understood the depth of the meaning of Good Friday. The truth is that I didn’t have a fricking clue. In the years since I wrote the following words, my world (and the world at large) have unraveled. Every single descriptor I held as my identity ten years ago is gone except for these two, I am a Christian and I am a Mom. That’s it. That’s about all that’s left of the woman who thought she understood.
I now find myself on the back nine of life trying to redefine it. Dating is excruciating!! A new career is excruciating! Single/part-time parenting young adults is excruciating! Navigating the world solo after three decades as part of a tribe is excruciating! But I survived the crucifixion of my life.
Many of you have asked me about “dating”. A year ago I had lots of silly rules. Now I’m down to… I won’t date anyone that could be my child or my father and no missionary dating. Pretty simple guidelines. For the curious, even with simple guidelines, I’m not dating anyone. I’ve been okay with that. I’ve needed time to heal and my top priority has been establishing myself and insuring that Sofija’s future is taken care of. But yes, I get lonely. Which leads to Good Friday. I’m quite certain that my Savior was lonely as he was brutalized and put to death. In the brutality, He knew that Sunday was coming….
Originally posted ten years ago –
Throughout the Lenten season this box has greeted anyone that walks into my home. For six weeks words of repentance and forgiveness have been scratched out on pieces of paper and dropped into the box.
“I forgive _____ for hurting me.”
“God, I repent for not trusting you.”
“God, I forgive you for not yet healing my child.”
etc…
All those words meaningless without the power of this day, the very best and the very worst of Fridays.
The word “excruciating” was created just to describe the events that took place on Good Friday. Its Latin derivative is literally “out of the cross”.
Every single thing that holds you back in life? Every bit of suffering, pain, distress, and torture.. Let it all go. Jesus experienced “excruciating” on Good Friday so that you don’t have to carry any of it. ANY of it!
As a tangible reminder of what died on the cross, the forgiveness/repentance box that greets those who enter my home will be burned on Resurrection Sunday.
Today, on Good Friday, I encourage you to let go of anything that holds you back. Build your own box to burn on Sunday.
Resurrection is coming.
Redemption is yours for the taking.
1 John 1:9 If we confess our sins to Him, He is faithful to forgive.
Growing up in south Louisiana is a privilege. I’ve been around the world and I’ve experienced no culture, food, or people, quite like those of my home. In south Louisiana Mardi Gras is a season. Much like Black Friday and tree sales initiating the Christmas season, I grew up with king cakes, parades, and Mardi Gras balls initiating the Lenten season.
As a little girl I wanted so badly to be Catholic. I was just about the only kid in elementary school who didn’t ‘get to’ go to catechism. We were (still are) non-denominational Christians and listening to the other kids plan out and talk about their catechism carpools and the mean nuns left me feeling like a red-headed step-child (no offense to my ginger friends). I wanted my own rosary and I wanted to see my friends get hit on the back of their hands with a ruler by a nun when they talked during prayer.
I eventually got over the desire to be Catholic and decided to just embrace the parts of Catholicism that I found enjoyable and comforting. Even so, not living in Louisiana for more than twenty years means that I’ve missed out on being immersed in the season. For many years I whined about missing the parades and having to make my own kingcakes. And then, a few years ago, I realized that I was not only missing all the fun aspects of the Mardi Gras season. I was missing the reverent aspects of the Lenten season as well. Although I had been one of the few non-Catholic kids in school, just living in Baton Rouge meant that I didn’t have meat in the cafeteria on Fridays and that I didn’t have school at all the week of Mardi Gras and Ash Wednesday. And, even though my Mom would explain to me every year from the time I was six that I “didn’t have to”, I still gave up something every year for Lent. I had to have something to add to the playground conversations and to be honest, I liked the discipline of the giving up. I still do. I fast from various things at various times throughout the year and I am always blown away at the really BIG WAYS that God shows up when I’m giving something up and replacing that something with Him.
A few years ago, during the Lenten season, something amazing happened. While I was in Lake Charles, Louisiana caring for my grandmother, my dear hubby was home in Virginia studying all things Ressurectionish. I returned home to find a mezuzah attached to the frame of our front door and a book laying on the kitchen counter telling how to prepare the Passover Seder. My former Catholic, very Italian husband, got in touch with his Jewish roots. He found a desire to honor the beauty of Christ’ life, death, and resurrection in physical, tangible ways.
As dear hubby and I gave homage to all things Christ-centered, we talked to our children about the Lenten season and the crucifixion and the resurrection. We reminded them over and over that all of it was for grace. That Christ did not just come to earth and live as a man and die FOR us, but AS us. We told them that he felt pain and misery and abuse so that we could let go of those things when they happen to us. We told them that he was tortured and beaten for every wrong thing that any of us would ever do. We told them that he conquered death so that all of those wrongs would not have the power to dictate how we live our lives. We told them that he died for our freedom. He died for our redemption. He died because he loves us. He died for grace.
Romans 8:38-39 And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.
We’ve told our children these things throughout their lives, but grace and love and freedom are so much bigger than what can be told. They must be shown.
Yes, my children know what this season is about. But the same year that my husband found his Jewish roots, I found myself burdened. I want my kids to experience Christ, not just know about him. I desire more than anything for grace and freedom to be part of their identities, not just part of their knowledge base. I knew all about Jesus when I was a teenager, but I was clueless when it came to grace and freedom and unconditional love. Unfortunately, my lack of understanding led me to believe that choices I made could never be forgiven. My lack of experience with the realness of Christ’ sacrifice led to years of running and self-destruction.
I want more for my children. God, let them know! Let them know how BIG your love is. Let them know how BIG your grace is. Let them walk in freedom every day of their lives. Give them total understanding that NOTHING can separate them from your love. Give me wisdom in showing them these things. Amen.
John 15:13 There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.
When I was giving up something for Lent as a child I appreciate that my Mom made it clear that I had free will and that I did not have to. But I really wish she had taken the time to teach me what Lent was about. I wish I had known that the “giving up” was in honor of what Christ gave up for us. I really wish that I had had some tangible symbolic activity that I could connect to scripture as a reminder that freedom and love and grace are mine for the taking. But I didn’t. And now… I have a chance to redeem my story. I have four (not-so) little people in my care that I CAN provide with a tangible symbolic activity that can be tied to scripture. In my endeavor to find that activity, I came across this blogpost by Ann Voskamp. Read it. Be inspired.
On New Year’s Eve 2012, we had a little party at our house. Instead of having people sit around and discuss or write down their hopes, dreams, aspirations, and resolutions for 2013, I gave everyone a couple of index cards and a pen at 11:30pm. I asked everyone to go find a quiet spot and write down ALL of the things that they would like to leave behind in 2012. And then… just before midnight, we put our cards, one-by one, in the fireplace and watched them burn.
For the last few years, as an attempt to SHOW what Holy Week is all about, I build a repentance box. Our family (and friends who stop by during the week) write out our bad choices, our pains, every ounce of unforgiveness. All the junk Christ carried to the grave, we place it in the box and let it go. And just before midnight, on the Saturday before Resurrection Sunday, we will turn it all to ash.
Lux, Libertas 