7eleven – Lux, Libertas

I’ve been fielding a lot of questions on why Sofija runs away. I promise it’s not because she just wants to get away from our family. It is actually very common for children with autism to elope (the fancy word for running away).

With chain locks and alarms on our doors and windows, Sofija has still managed to get out four times in the last month. Two of those four times she was located by the police and twice we chased her down the street and caught her before she was out of sight. Each time she’s eloped has been after dark. She has no fear of the dark or strangers or being alone. In fact, every time we try to go somewhere as a family she begs to stay home alone and she honestly doesn’t understand why she can’t. Although she can count money and make change, she still doesn’t grasp that money must be exchanged for goods. Four of her favorite “goods” are slurpees, donuts, nutella, and ice cream. My girl has great taste. 😉 7eleven just happens to have all of those things and since my dear hubby and I refuse to take her there on a daily basis, she obsesses over ways to get out of the house and go there by herself.

On top of her highly developed taste buds, my girl is also quite the opportunist. This morning my hubby let me sleep in. Our phone rang and the minute he answered it and turned his back on her she ran into our room, pulled the duvet off of me and told me to get up. She is constantly looking for opportunities to get what she wants and she’s all about some carpe diem when opportunities arise.

The National Autism Association has a great fact sheet on autism and wandering (elopement) and tons of resources for anyone wanting to learn more. You can click that link above if you’re interested. Here are the highlights:

Wandering/Elopement

Roughly half, or 48%, of children with an ASD attempt to elope from a safe environment, a rate nearly four times higher than their unaffected siblings
In 2009, 2010, and 2011, accidental drowning accounted for 91% total U.S. deaths reported in children with an ASD ages 14 and younger subsequent to wandering/elopement.
More than one third of ASD children who wander/elope are never or rarely able to communicate their name, address, or phone number
Two in three parents of elopers reported their missing children had a “close call” with a traffic injury
32% of parents reported a “close call” with a possible drowning
Wandering was ranked among the most stressful ASD behaviors by 58% of parents of elopers
62% of families of children who elope were prevented from attending/enjoying activities outside the home due to fear of wandering
40% of parents had suffered sleep disruption due to fear of elopement
Children with ASD are eight times more likely to elope between the ages of 7 and 10 than their typically-developing siblings
Half of families with elopers report they had never received advice or guidance about elopement from a professional
Only 19% had received such support from a psychologist or mental health professional
Only 14% had received guidance from their pediatrician or another physician

Source: Interactive Autism Network Research Report: Elopement and Wandering (2011)
Source: National Autism Association, Lethal Outcomes in ASD Wandering (2012)

We consider ourselves extremely blessed to live in a neighborhood where people pay attention and take action. Both times that Sofija got far enough away that the police had to find her, several neighbors called 911 with “Sofija sightings” and a group of walkers helped the police corral her.

1 in 68 children in the US has autism. If you’re reading this I can almost guarantee you that you live near a child with autism. PLEASE be a good neighbor! If you see a child walking the streets alone, call 911. Get to know your neighbors and know how to contact the parents of any neighbor children with special needs. When you’re out walking or standing at your kitchen window, look up from your phone and pay attention to who you see. TOO MANY children with autism drown each year without anyone noticing them walk by. Pay attention. You just may save a life.

I started this blog in the fall of 2009 so that our friends and family could be a part of our journey to adopt our precious Sofija. The last five years have been one heckuva journey! We had no clue what we were getting ourselves into. It was probably better that way.

Sofija is amazing.

Sofija is beautiful.

Sofija is gifted, and athletic.

Sofija is the queen of selfies (Sorry, Kim Kardashian. She’s got you beat.)

Sofija is also very, very HARD.

Every single bad thing that can come from a child beginning her life in a neglectful institutional setting… she’s got it. She’s broken in a thousand ways. I have many friends with adopted and biological children who have disabilities that say, “I wouldn’t change a thing about my child.” You will not hear me say those words. I would give up a limb or one of my senses if it would heal my child.

One of the many things Sofija struggles with is a total lack of rational fears. She has plenty of IRrational fears. But when it comes to understanding the dangers of this world… she hasn’t a clue. We have tried and tried to make her understand that she simply cannot run down the middle of the street or leave our house without us. We’ve put extra locks and alarms on the doors. Last Saturday night we grasped just how epically our efforts have failed.

We moved Sofija’s bed into our room a year and a half ago after she repeatedly got up during the night and put herself into dangerous situations or did fun things like pouring an entire jar of honey and bottle of ketchup into her bed… at the same time.

On Saturday night, after her bath, Sofija asked to play in her room. Every 5-10 minutes I checked on her. I always do. At 10pm I called her name and asked her what she was doing. She replied, “I’m still playing.” At 10:05 I called her name and told her it was time for bed. She didn’t respond. Before I got to her door I had a sinking feeling in my gut. It was too quiet. She wasn’t there. As I walked away from her room I noticed that the door to the garage was open. Walking into the garage I saw that the door from our garage to the back yard was open. There was no need to search the rest of the house. She was gone. I didn’t think to call 911. I just took off down the street in my socks. My husband took off in the opposite direction. I made it around our block, ran back in the house, grabbed the car keys, and told my son to call 911. I drove down our street with my windows down, screaming her name, and looking for any sign that she was at someone’s house. Two blocks from home I passed an unmarked cop car that was driving slowly with a search light on. I jumped in front of his car and fell apart. He asked me to please calm down and began describing Sofija to me. It turns out that one of our neighbors had seen Sofija sprinting down the road in her pajamas and glitter boots (that are two sizes too small – they were in a donation bag in the garage). The neighbor called the police. Within minutes Fairfax county search and rescue had seven police cruisers and a helicopter searching for my daughter. The policeman that I jumped in front of followed me back to our house and I listened as calls of “Sofija sightings” continued to come in on his radio. She ran from our house to 7eleven (about a mile) and when the clerk wouldn’t let her get a slurpee she ran to Safeway (a block from 7eleven) in search of ice cream cake. A police car followed her from 7eleven to Safeway and four cars cornered her at Safeway. My husband was driving around the neighborhood when an officer called from the Safeway parking lot asking for a family member because “She’s very aggressive.” EIGHT cops could not get her in the back of a police car. Her Daddy went and got her and brought her home, mad as a spring bear, because she “didn’t get a slurpee OR ice cream cake and the police lights hurt her eyes.”

I didn’t sleep Saturday night. Or Sunday night. Or much of any night since.

Sunday was spent installing new alarms and keyed chain locks. And then, Sunday night, after her bath, she put on socks and shoes and asked if she could play in her room “with the window open.”

What? The? Hell?

Seriously?!

This sinking feeling that I’m going to lose my child to an open window or unlocked door has got to be as close to hell as I ever want to come. I want peace. I need peace. My child needs a miracle.

We’ve done everything we can think of to keep her safe. She’s sleeping in our room with every door double-locked and alarms on all the doors and windows. ~The irony has not escaped me that most people install alarms and locks to keep bad people out and we had to install them to keep a precious someone in.~ Sofija is now registered with the county as a “flight risk” and the search and rescue team have assured us that they will do everything in their power to get her home should she escape again. I’m printing postcards for our neighbors and all the local businesses with her picture and our contact information. If it was legal to microchip her, we would do it.

All that’s left is hope and prayer. If you think of us, pray for us. Pray for her safety. Pray for her healing. Pray for our peace.

Romans 5:2-5 NLT

Because of our faith, Christ has brought us into this place of undeserved privilege where we now stand, and we confidently and joyfully look forward to sharing God’s glory.

We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment…